unexpected liberation

Because I do what I'm told. Sometimes.

2006-07-05T15:23:00.000-06:00

Because I do what I'm told. Sometimes.

It's a good thing our company has such a wonderful email system.

--------------------

From: [anonymotron]
Sent: Wednesday, July 05, 2006 8:24 AM
To: [uncharted]
Subject: Does [name removed] work here now?

I saw her in the elevator last night.

--------------------

From: [uncharted]
Sent: Wednesday, July 05, 2006 8:24 AM
To: [anonymotron]
Subject: RE: Does [name removed] work here now?

[random banter]

On a side note, I hate you.

--------------------

From: [anonymotron]
Sent: Wednesday, July 05, 2006 8:27 AM
To: [uncharted]
Subject: RE: Does [name removed] work here now?

[blah blah blah]

--------------------

From: [uncharted]
Sent: Wednesday, July 05, 2006 8:39 AM
To: [anonymotron]
Subject: RE: Does [name removed] work here now?

[something not particularly insightful]

--------------------

From: [anonymotron]
Sent: Wednesday, July 05, 2006 1:49 PM
To: [uncharted]
Subject: RE: Does [name removed] work here now?

Update your blog.

--------------------

Intermission

2006-03-21T16:05:00.000-07:00

Intermission

Today, struck by nothing else either than purely illogical thought, I decided that it's time to resume my place in the blogosphere. Perhaps it's the illusive escapism that I gain poring over my daily blog list, or maybe it's just...time to get things going again. Either way, I'll attempt to get back to my former posting pace and see how I do.

The same rules will apply that always have - chatter about work and politics will continue to be conducted in person, and preferably over beer. This space will remain active for random insights, semi-personal journal-style entries, and a good story from time to time.

I've got a couple of substantive posts on the go, but in the meantime, I thought I'd post this interesting little article. Whiny kids apparently grow up to be conservatives, and more confident kids grow up to be liberals. Admittedly, as the article mentions, the study is far from iron-clad, but I found it interesting nonetheless. I think I need to have a talk with my mother about exactly how much whining I did as a child. I will be sure to report back.

To come: extreme wanderlust (or "how I restrain myself daily from selling all of my possessions and traveling around the world), the travel week from hell, and a few other ever-so-fascinating topics.

A worthy cause...

2006-03-05T17:42:00.000-07:00

A worthy cause...

After lying dormant for more than a month, a most worthy cause has spurred me into posting. A small but noteworthy group of former-hacks-no-longer-near-campus recently voted me as 2006 elections photographer by virtue of the fact that I seem to be the closest to campus.

So, for those of you currently in elections withdrawal, here we go...

I will start off with a bitter and jaded "Back in my day..." and get that out of the way right now. I hear that this year's election is quite the non-event, and my little visit to CAB confirmed that fact. And I'll add in a "Kids these days..." before I'm done. Anyway, moving on to the pictures (in ballot order, of course)...

President:

Vice-President External:

Vice-President Academic:
Vice-President Operations & Finance:

Vice-President Student Life:
Board of Governors Representation:
T'is posterless, this year...

Plebiscites:
CAB Banners (this is, sadly, all of them):

Random CAB shots:

Still alive...

2006-01-26T18:58:00.000-07:00

Still alive...

...thanks to those who have been checking.

I am still in election-recovery mode, but I'll post more in the next few days. In the meantime, I have a huge sleep deficit that I'm trying to chip away at.

Election goodness...

2006-01-11T13:42:00.000-07:00

Election Goodness...

Considering that I'm barely managing to find six hours a day to sleep, the posting won't be resuming until after the election (or more specifically, after I recover from my E-day hangover). In the meantime, this forward that I received today ought to do the trick.

Disclaimer: Posting these ads IN NO WAY implies support for the Conservative party, only support for laughing out loud at one's desk.

The next batch of ads from Team Pauly and the Liberal gang:

President Kennedy is gunned down in Dallas, Texas.
George W. Bush's home state.
Where a lot of wealthy American right-wingers live.
Some say the fatal shots were fired from a grassy knoll.
Where was Stephen Harper that day?
He isn't saying.
Choose your Canada.

***

Little Susie Smith, a seven year-old girl in Brampton, Ontario, has her bicycle stolen.
A pink bicycle.
With little streamers on the handlebars.
And who just happened to be campaigning in Brampton that day?
Stephen Harper.
That's who.
We're not making this up.
Choose your Canada.

***

On Nov. 30th, Prime Minister Paul Martin held a closed door meeting with US President George Bush.
What did they talk about?
We Don't know.
He Won't Tell us.
George W. Bush.
An American.
In our cities.
In Canada.
We did not make this up.

***

Stephen Harper is religous
He is named after a saint.
So does Stephen Harper have a hidden agenda to overthrow God and take his place?
We don't know.
He isn't saying.
Choose your Canada.

***

Stephen Harper has a dog.
You know who else had a dog?
Hitler.
Adolf Hitler.
That's who.
Did Stephen Harper train his dog to attack racial minorities on command?
We don't know.
He's not saying.
Choose Your Canada.

***

Stephen Harper ate at a Tex-Mex place once.
You know what the "Tex" in Tex-Mex stands for?
Texas.
George W. Bush's home state.
We're not making this up.
Choose your Canada.

***

Paul Martin owns a Fleet of Ships
Why does he have all those ships?
Are those ships Canadian ships?
No, and we aren't making that up.
A Prime Minister with a private navy? A Navy!
A giant navy that moves Canadian resources to OTHER COUNTRIES THAT AREN'T CANADA.

***

Paul Martin's company sells stuff for money.
What's the money for?
We aren't sure.
It may have something to do with Joseph Stalin's Gorilla-Man Warrior Project.
Mutant gorilla-men.
In Canada
Don't take that chance.
Stand Up For A Gorilla-Man free Canada.

***

Ok, maybe they're not real...but they're awesome nonetheless. Now please excuse me while I retreat to my map room and finish the canvassing schedule. Mmm...maps...

Bah.

2005-12-18T04:16:00.000-07:00

Bah.

I'm officially old. This sucks.

I apologize

2005-12-14T12:13:00.000-07:00

I apologize...

...for making a post just for the sake of posting.

I have nothing much to say - it's good to be back home, work is going well, the campaign has taken over my life, and I'm moving on the 23rd.

More to follow when I have the time and the energy. Just thought I'd let the few of you who were wondering know that I'm alive. Well, barely.

[insert string of random profanities here]

2005-12-08T06:59:00.000-07:00

[insert string of random profanities here]

I need my sleep. It's not just a nice thing to have - it's a requirement. I require a certain amount of sleep in any given week in order to restrain myself from randomly bitchslapping people and having meltdowns when someone looks at me the wrong way.

So lately, given that I am home for about 7 hours a night, my ability to get the sleep I need is dwindling. 7 hours would be more than enough sleep for me on any given night, but this 7 hours must now include my wind-down time, a shower, etc., etc.

Tonight, my precious 7 hours (delightly closer to eight this time!) included too little sleep:

12:16 am - drag myself off of msn, try to go to sleep
12:38 am - get up, tinker with the toilet tank, which mysteriously won't stop running
12:44 am - realize that all of the little tricks that I have been taught to fix a running toilet are blatant lies
12:45 am - go back to bed
1:30 am - sleep
5:51 am - strange buzzing sound - not enough to quite make me conscious
5:53 am - buzzing continues. my UofA Fire Marshall instincts finally kick in, and I reach for my old hardhat and prepare to bang on doors
5:56 am - not yet having managed to get out of bed, I know concentrate on whether or not I can smell smoke
5:57 am - decide that the fire alarm in my building is actually quite pleasant compared to the horribly screechy, so-loud-you-can't-think alarms of buildings past
6:00 am - the fire alarm proves victorious and I roll of out bed
6:03 am - intense internal debate as to whether or not to go outside, or just risk being burned alive in exchange for staying in bed
6:04 am - stick my head in the hall...no smoke/noise/cleanliness of any kind
6:06 am - firetrucks!
6:07 am - sweatpants or jeans?
6:08 am - sweatpants
6:09 am - pack up purse (must! save! blackberry!), lock door
6:11 am - cold. but at least it's not the -9 billion that it has been all week. be thankful for the small things
6:13 am - more firetrucks (6, to be exact)
6:17 am - bitch with large group of girls, christen the 6th floor as the "boob floor"
6:19 am - somebody official-looking (building security? police officer?) walks around with a giant rottweiler. a bomb-sniffing dog perhaps?
6:20 am - firefighters are everywhere (and totally hot, but that's another story), but don't seem to concerned. we decide that, if something was wrong, they would at least quit sauntering and break into a jog
6:21 am - still cold, still chatting with neighbours
6:27 am - first firetruck leaves
6:31 am - ambulance (when did that get here?) pulls away
6:39 am - mad scramble for elevator spaces as we are let back into the building
6:44 am - part ways with neighbours, crawl back into bed
6:45 am - alarm goes off. fuck.

The great American tradition...

2005-12-01T08:27:00.000-07:00

The great American tradition...

I took the time to indulge in one of the most-fabled American traditions today - watching a live OJ-style high-speed chase. The experience was made even better by the opportunity to watch the 'drama unfold' on Fox News, the blatantly right-wing, obviously stupider cousin of such luminaries as CNBC and CNN.

Imagine my delight, sitting on my (shockingly on-time) WestJet flight to discover not only a seat-back satellite TV, but a fine selection of stations including the ever-popular Animal Planet and the aforementioned Fox News. Flipping aimlessly revealed the usual daytime crap, until I stumbled upon the tell-tale Canada Goose formation of police cars zipping along some stretch of typical California freeway.

Sadly, I had already missed the first time the car stopped, surrounded by police cars, and had then sped off again - hopefully with the driver laughing as they went. I also missed the attempted car-jacking which involved one of the passengers jumping out of the car and trying to jump into the adjacent car while waving a handgun.

I did, however, manage to catch the live gunfire...a tad disconcerting - until ol' FoxNews let it slip that they were broadcasting a few second delay to ensure that no one died a horrible, bloody death on live TV. And thenI finally caught the surrender, after two more stop and start incidents.

So, not only will I admit to watching this little fiasco, I'll admit to watching a full 1.5 hours of it. It was so...sexy, I just couldn't change the channel. A live gun battle (well, live + 5 seconds) is almost impossible to turn off...seriously, I challenge you to do so, the next time you happen to stumble across such an overly-dramatized, almost-live spectacle.

purr

2005-11-30T23:43:00.000-07:00

*purr*

Four months and 10 days later, I am finally back home. Thoughts to follow, once I have settled back in.

In the meantime, please excuse me while I collapse from hauling so much crap cross-country.

Road trip!

2005-11-25T18:43:00.000-07:00

Road trip!

I started with a conference in London...actually pretty interesting, despite the impending snowsquall. Picked up RoadTripBuddy and headed back to G-Town at about 1:00 am in full-on snowsquall, and almost died more times that I care to count.

On Friday, we hit the road from G-Town to Niagara Falls. Again, the snowsquall threatened to kill us, but after 2 hours we finally drove out of it. We arrived in Niagara Falls in the afternoon, checked into the hotel...and headed straight to Mall #1.

Saturday consisted of more...shopping (*surprise*!). RoadTripBuddy and I crossed into New York, and hit up Mall #2. After many, many hours of Mall #2...we drove all the way to Buffalo for Mall #3 (isn't Buy Nothing Day around now? Umm...whoops?). We ended up crossing back over the border around 10 pm or so, having spent a wonderful half hour in Customs so I could give them $10...way to use your time efficiently, Customs folks!

Remembering that we were at Niagara Falls, Sunday morning was spent admiring the Falls. Sunday afternoon, we sped gleefully back to Toronto, and promptly lost the car at Mall #4, causing RoadTripBuddy to almost miss the 10:45 pm flight out of Pearson.

Monday and Tuesday were spent in Toronto, working hard, lounging in fancy hotels, and schmoozing to the extreme. Tough life, I know...

I had no idea that I'd be so excited to be...home? Is that what I'm calling G-Town these days?

Requisite weekend documentation:

Before the shopping started:

After Mall #1:
After Mall #2:
After Mall #3 (remember...it's not all mine!):
The required pictures of the Falls:

Aaaaand...go!

2005-11-22T06:59:00.000-07:00

Aaaaand....go!

Attended a conference in London. You know you're in trouble when the afternoon session begins with "and now we're going to talk about everyone's favourite topic...property assessment!"
Drove through my first 'snow squall'...when the locals drive the highways at 50 km/h, you do the same
Currently wrapped in a down comforter, looking at the Toronto sky line, and sitting next to my recently decimated room service tray. *purrrr*
Spent way too much money in Buffalo/Niagara/random tacky outlet malls
Went from staying at the Rodeway Inn on Sunday night to the Intercontinental on Monday night...for the record, I prefer Option B.
Haven't been home in almost a week and have officially hit my traveling limit. Too bad I'll be spending a lot of time in Pearson for quite a while to come.
I have to pack up all of my G-Town supplies, and then get back to Edmonton and pack some more. Good times. Or something.
Home in eight days!!!!!! Wheeeee!!!

And yes, I'm well aware that random bullet points does not a blogpost make. Unfortunately, this'll have to do until I get to spend some good quality time with my little pbook.

A disaster in the making

2005-11-16T20:56:00.000-07:00

A disaster in the making

In the last 48 hours, it seems that I have consumed nothing but:

Copious amounts of red wine
A bag of Skor Bites
More cans of Coke than I care to count

My body, while certainly not happy with me, better shape the hell up because in less than 8 hours I need to hit the highway (hoping that the blizzard has stopped) and pretend that I'm coherent.

Now, let me just say...I know the obvious answer here is for me to eat something with some nutritional value. But, being that I'm leaving in 13 days (four of which I will be out of town), I absolutely refuse to go grocery shopping. Not that I'm stubborn. No. Not me.

Ah, the good old days...

2005-11-13T17:17:00.000-07:00

Ah, the good old days...

With the countdown on in my return to Edmonton, I've been thinking a lot of about what I miss. At the top of my list is...

Going for pho. Often
Actually being able to *see* my friends
The ability to buy longans
My fishies...*sniffle*
Not having to drive 1.5 hours to see a movie
My office, and the people in it
SUB
MSN conversations going something like this:

Me: I'm bored.
Some fabulous person on my MSN list: Me too.
Me: We should fix that.
SFPONMMSNL: Let's go [to a movie/out for lunch/out for dinner/shopping/etc.]

My washer and dryer
Knowing that there is always somewhere to go, even at 3:00 am
Being able to run to the grocery store in my old Kokanee hoodie and a baseball hat, and not running into someone I know
Going *anywhere*, for that matter, and not running into someone I know
Lunchtime shopping
Hack movie nights at the cheapies
Knowing that there are at least 3 fish stores within a half hour's drive

T-minus 401 hours!

Obsession = over.

2005-11-10T20:14:00.000-07:00

Obsession = over. Sort of.

Anyone who has talked to me at all in the past month will know that I've been on a scarily obsessive hunt for a new place to live.

As of 7:58 pm tonight, I am pleased to announce that my days of frantically scanning rental websites are over. Awesome apartment = mine!

I have found a great place back 'home', not far from campus and only a short walk from my old home of Newton Place. It meets all of my set-out requirements of:

rent within my budget
shiny, pretty newness
good location and easy to get to work
a decent size
*and* an added bonus of not having to move on New Year's Day, which is always exciting.

Admittedly, the first thing that I did after I heard that I got the apartment was go back through all of those rental sites just to...uhh...make sure that a better apartment didn't magically appear in the time that it took for my email to make its way from my computer to the landlord's.

So far, so good.

Randomness

2005-11-05T14:40:00.000-07:00

Randomness:

I have eaten nothing but popsicles today
There strong burning smell coming from the apartment next to me (I'm hoping it's not a "Doctor! I smell burnt toast!" moment)
I have already started packing up for the move back to Edmonton. Because I'm awesome.
I have an apparently inexplicable inability to use iDVD for anything worth while
Happy Guy Fawkes Day!!!
I'm actually excited that I only to pay around $1900 in car insurance when I get back (I paid around $600/year back home)
I misplaced my blackberry yesterday and almost had a panic attack. This is concerning.
I have been on the roadway too much lately (further augmented by another trip to Toronto this week)
Oktoberfish? Amazing.
The Kitchener-Waterloo phonebook biting me so I could have the pleasure of creating a short documentary entitled "The evolution of a blood blister on uncharted's left index finger"? Not amazing.
Grocery shopping here in G-town is actually quite a pleasure compared to the Edmonton elbows-out version. I'm not looking forward to those 20 minute lines at the check-out.
I have nothing of substance to say. In case you hadn't already noticed.

Oktoberfish!

2005-10-28T19:07:00.000-06:00

Oktoberfish!

Well, it's been a fairly miserable week, work-wise. I keep thinking that I am in desperate need of a vacation only to realize that I just had one. *mutter*

On the plus side:

I'll be in Toronto for Halloween, which should be good times
I'm giving away more than $25,000 worth of stuff tomorrow morning, which should also be good times
Tomorrow afternoon is...get ready for it...OKTOBERFISH!!!, which should be unbelievably good times. Wheee!!!

groan

2005-10-24T17:58:00.000-06:00

*groan*

In the past week, I have:

slept less than three hours on three different nights
worked every day
drank too much
not eaten a single meal involving fresh fruits or vegetables of any kind.

I think I am now dying. Or, at the very least, I am uncomfortably sick. Apparently my body is trying to tell me something.

Now please excuse me while I slink back into bed.

Um. What?

2005-10-21T16:54:00.000-06:00

Um. What?

There are some people in this world who should not be allowed to procreate, lest they pass on their extreme idiocy on to their poor, unsuspecting children. One such person is the delivery man that I dealt with today.

We get a lot of deliveries to our office here in town. Mostly, the office administrator deals with them, but when she's on lunch they fall to me, largely because my desk is the next closest one to the front door. So, usually when someone pulls up in a delivery truck and grumbles "sign", I think nothing of it.

Today, a truck pulls up into the parking lot and the driver jumps out. I should have known that he would be a problem as soon as he walked into the office, saw I was on the phone, and started talking to me anyway. So he goes back to his truck to unload his cargo, and then comes back to me for a signature. Since I cannot see the front area from my desk, I make the assumption that "delivery" includes bringing said cargo *inside* the office.

Boy was I wrong.

When I hear the customary "have a nice weekend!" shouted through the front door, I return it from my desk, however my usual curiousity gets the better of me and I go to see what we got.

It seems that the delivery has been left in the parking lot. "That's odd," I think. Now I know that the boxes are on a skid (palette) which means they were on a dolly, and there is a curb in the way, but at each end of the strip mall - and in plain sight, I might add - the sidewalk is wheelchair/stroller/delivery dolly accessible.

Since this guy has long since gone, I figure that I'll have to bring the boxes in myself...the guys in the office are on a conference call, and I figure they can't be too heavy. Besides, I'm tough...

Just in case you can't read that, here is a close-up:

That's right. The delivery driver left a 722 lb. box in the parking lot for us to deal with, because he couldn't find his way up the ramp at the end of the sidewalk.

Long story short, there was much yelling and swearing at the delivery company by our Project Manager, but we ended up (and by "we" I mean, 5 of us) managing to get the boxes inside.

But seriously, who does that?!? If the office wasn't chock full of burly construction men at the time, somebody would have been spending the weekend baby-sitting the several thousand dollars worth of transmission equipment sitting in the parking lot of a strip mall until a forklift had shown up.

Idiot!

uncharted's October heart list

2005-10-19T08:16:00.000-06:00

uncharted's October *heart* list

I *heart*:

my amazing friends, without whom I'd probably be lying in a gutter somewhere cradling a bottle of cheap vodka;
the coffee smell that invades your car after you leave the drive-through window at Timmy's, even though you never order coffee;
the fact that I can actually count, in days, how soon I'll be home;
the Y, and all of the slightly crazy people there;
London, in its entirety - even the slums had charm;
that G-town may be the best thing that has ever happened to me, as odd as it seems;
driving. Everywhere.
that I have finally gotten my perspective back. It took a conspicious leave of absence about 2.5 years ago, and has finally clawed its way back into my head.
the fact that I'm actually looking forward to returning to classes;
that I don't let the little things bother me nearly as much as I used to;
the deer who live in my yard;
that I've finally started remember to post on this blog, having spent far too much time posting elsewhere.

Can I sell the movie rights?

2005-10-19T02:03:00.000-06:00

Can I sell the movie rights?

Blog, have I ever told you about the house I'm living in? No? (And yes, I realize that "blog" can't reply. "Blog" isn't something that can make up responses on its own).

So, I live in a big old house in the woods. Literally. The couple who owns it (and apparently half of town, while they're at it) lives on the main floor, and there are five separate apartments on the second and third floors. This house, as you can probably tell, is *huge*...each apartment is at least 800 square feet, never mind the space that the owners live in. The grounds are surrounded by woods, and contain a barn and stables, some walking paths, about a billion squirrels, a family of deer and no light whatsoever after dark.

My house should be in some sort of horror movie plot. The owners are, shall we say, eccentric and I only hear their Doberman barking very late at night. There are supposedly people in all of the other apartments, but I *never* hear them. Occasionally, there are other cars parked on the grounds...but mostly my poor Jeep sits all by itself. There used to be a guy about my age living in the apartment next to me who drove a ridiculous looking little Saturn complete with flames...but he disappeared without a word.

The current guy in ol' FlameBoy's apartment has developed a very creepy habit of staring at me as I get out of my car after work. Try to picture this: as I walk towards the apartment doors from my car, I can look up to find a tuft of hair and pair of eyes peering through the shutters at me daily. I'm pretty sure that he knows that I can see him, and yet he still keeps on staring. Then I rush past his apartment, into my apartment, and quickly lock and chain my door.

The place is also teeming with insects, especially spiders. Now I realize that it's just the reality in a big, old house in the middle of the woods...but this house is *really* starting to push it. I have to do a daily bug patrol with my vacuum, and have become a bug removal pro - yes, those of you who know me should be extremely impressed that I can now actually dispose of these guys on my own. The particularly disturbing part is the window-spiders, however. I have to keep every single curtain in my apartment closed because of the window-spiders - the scenery is beautiful, but the window-spiders are not. Luckily, they're on the outside...but they're still more than creepy. I once looked out my bedroom window and counted 34 spiders busily making webs around my window frame.

Giant, old house in the middle of the woods
+
Crazy owners w/ Doberman
+
Creepy pair of eyes and tuft of hair
+
Tenants that no one ever sees or hears
+
Thousands of window-spiders
+
Moth invasions (that story will have to be for another post)
=
Very awesome horror movie

Anyone? Anyone at all? No? Alright, then...

"It's no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or another " -- George W. Bush

2005-10-18T03:25:00.000-06:00

"It's no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or another."
-- Dubya

Someone emailed me this quote today, and I just couldn't help but post it in honour of my upcoming trip across the border. Thank you, Mr. President, for such an insightful statement. But enough of making fun of ol' Dubya for now...

I have a problem. I over-analyze *everything* - I spend far too long letting lists of pros and cons rattle around in my brain, doubting everything that I've previously thought, and then starting all over. This is certainly not uncommon behaviour, but that's not where it ends.

My real problem is that I actually make split-second decisions on pretty much everything. My first thought on something is generally my final decision, with *very* few exceptions. I'd like to tell you that it's because I over-analyze so quickly and efficiently, that I make a well-informed and logical decision in that split-second. In reality, the agonizing over a particular decision occurs *after* the decision has already been made - in essence, I drive myself crazy for no reason at all.

Now, for those who know me, you'll know that I'm a relatively intelligent and sensible person. Someone asked me last night why I do this...and I had absolutely no good answer for him. I wonder if it's because I lack confidence in the decisions I make...but I don't think that's the case. I wonder if it's because my brain likes the extra work...but that doesn't sound right. So...I still have no good answer.

From those that I petitioned today, the two most common answers were:

Because you're a girl; and
Because you're crazy.

Point taken.

Cookie rival...

2005-10-16T23:59:00.000-06:00

Cookie rival...

It seems that ol' Ralphie (or, more accurately, Mustafa) can read my mind. Who would have thought that I'd miss Alberta so much...

(And please excuse the post-it notes covering my info...I'm not so much about posting all of my personal details online these days)

And thanks to Mustafa for the best piece of mail (well, paper mail - I just got a giant box full of yummy holiday treats from my family) that I've gotten in ages!

Back.

2005-10-11T17:14:00.000-06:00

Back.

*sniffle*

While I was gone all the leaves turned, the two baby deer who live in my yard seem to have turned into grown-up deer, and the two-year construction fiasco on the bridge into town actually seems to have neared the end.

Now listen up, Air Canada...

2005-09-29T11:44:00.000-06:00

Now listen up, Air Canada...

I don't like you, and you don't like me...but let's see if we can get through this without fighting, ok?

So I'm off to the airport, and will be back on Sunday, October 9. Normally, about now is when I'd be frantically trying to find someone to take care of my fish (being without fish is so sad...*sniffle*), begging someone to take me to the airport (no need! I *heart* my Jeep), and lobbing random items into my suitcase (already packed!).

Wish me luck. I intend on returning in one piece, but I make no guarantees. :)

Love,
--uncharted-in-England (well, *almost* in England)

That's hot!

2005-09-25T23:40:00.000-06:00

That's hot!
(No, not a tribute to Paris Hilton...)

Awesome: finally taking a couple of hours and making quite fabulous chicken soup
Not Awesome: forgetting that stove elements = hot. Perhaps it might have helped to have looked at the plastic pop bottle six inches away from the element that was melting due to the indirect heat? I am now the proud new owner of a fabulous blister on the pad of my left middle finger, and the rest of my middle finger and ones on either side are now a very attractive shade of swollen, uncomfortable red. S'ok...I didn't need that left hand anyway. Next time, I shall look at my stove and remember..."that's hot!"

Awesome: dancing nerdishly in front of the bathroom mirror to the Numa Numa song and not caring that someone is laughing at you.
Not Awesome: dancing nerdishly in front of the bathroom mirror to the Numa Numa song while holding a very hot ceramic straightening iron. On the plus side, I again burnt my left hand, which had already been rendered useless. Next time, I shall look at my straightener and remember..."that's hot!"

Awesome: Bonfires on the beach, trucks blasting the music [note: dancing on sand is more difficult than it looks], and copious amounts of alcohol.
Not Awesome: Melting the soles of my brand new shoes because I was lounging too close to the fire. Considering that I am a complete pyrophobe, I'll just go right ahead and blame the booze. Yep, not awesome. Next time, I shall look at a bonfire and remember..."that's hot!"

The moral of the story? I'm an idiot. Or perhaps I'm just cold-blooded and am attracted to heat? Or...uh...

And on a completely unrelated note, I'm aware that I haven't blogged in several weeks...and harassing emails will not make me post any faster! Although I realize that I've just gone and set the precedent that harassing emails = blog post, that's not actually why I posted. Really!

Thank you, Mr. Speaker...

2005-09-06T17:17:00.000-06:00

Thank you, Mr. Speaker...

Well, it looks like my London excursion is finally falling into place. I've found my flight (London to London!), a decent place to stay, and am trying to figure out how to narrow down my seemingly enormous must-see list.

The big excitement of the day? The British Parliament is only open to foreign visitors for two months a year for tours. I hope I'm not crazy for rearranging my dates slightly to ensure that I can go. Anyone? No? Alright, then...please resume the mockery at your discretion.

G-town lovin'

2005-08-31T23:13:00.000-06:00

G-town lovin'

My little G-town adventure and I are in the midst of a little love-in, and I felt the need to tout a few of the good things of my small town journey...

The stars - I can actually see them, which is certainly a welcome change.
Water - It's such a shock to be driving along, and suddenly see huge expanses of water. Despite the constant, armpit-ish feeling of the humidity, I love being on the lake, and the view of the harbour out my window is pretty incredible.
New cars/Singing at the top of my lungs in the car - When I lived at home, my car was my refuge. I took long drives to decompress; I took long drives to think; I took long drives for the heck of it. I knew that I missed driving when I was in Edmonton, but I didn't realize quite how much I missed it until I picked up the habit again.
The deer family who lives in my yard - 'nuff said.
The people - I have been lucky enough to be adopted into a group of people my age (who very well could be the *only* people around here my age), and I've been having a blast going on road trips, crashing Stag'n'Does (don't ask!), and occupying the patio of the only bar in town (literally).
Weekend road trips - one of the major advantages of being here in G-town with a car is that fact that pretty much any weekend destination is no more than three hours away. Also of advantage is the fact that Pearson, and all of it's supremely cheap airfares, is so close at hand.
Radio - I'm not quite sure why, but I've been listening to a lot more radio here than I have in years. In all likelihood, it's a result of #3 and also the preference of the drivers that I spent most of my time zooming around Edmonton with. I will note, however, that there is a surprising amount of Nirvana still played on the radio here...I feel, at times, like I'm back in high school.
Not sitting at a desk all day - I was beginning to have my doubts in Edmonton as to whether CubicleLife was for me. Not only has my work turned out to be extremely rewarding, but I've been having a great time doing it.
Reading before bed - For the first time in 15 or so years, I don't have a TV in my bedroom. This has caused me to pick up a habit of my childhood...reading each night before I go to sleep. I'm seriously considering throwing out my bedroom TV when I get back home.
Freedom - what started out as an rather unexpected and unwelcome "temporary relocation" has turned into quite the life-changing event. Perspectives have changed, career paths have changed, goals have changed. It's all been a bit traumatic, but it couldn't have turned out any better.

Yep. Happy hump day, all!

Random notes from the weekend:

2005-08-28T18:21:00.000-06:00

Spider Slalom!

Random notes from the weekend:

I got myself a brand new, 2006 version of the 2005 that I had been driving. Mmm...new car smell.
I almost ran over a peacock as I put kilometre #327 on my new car. Seriously. There was a peacock strutting down the middle of the highway. Apparently there's some sort of private zoo in the area, but I haven't found it yet.
There were 17 spiders in the staircase to my apartment yesterday. Those of you who know me well should be surprised that I have not yet slept in my car to avoid the spider slalom.
I almost died on 8 Mile Road. Yep.
I downloaded exactly 123 new songs on my iTunes. I decided my iTunes needed an overhaul, and got rid of a decent chunk of my list. Almost every song I have has a memory attached to it, and it was certainly time to clean house. Song suggestions are being accepted, by the way...and thanks to those of you who have sent me your iTunes list!
I finally (finally!!!) get the evil monkey thing. Yay me!
Tuesday night determines my career path. Good thoughts are appreciated...please and thank you.

Despite my intense hatred of planes...

2005-08-24T05:44:00.000-06:00

Despite my intense hatred of planes...

...it looks like I'll be making a cross-Atlantic journey to London in the next month or so.

My only other London experience (either than the Ontario kind) was two days a *very* long time ago, so I'm looking to my sparse world-traveling readership for advice... My main concern is finding a cheap hotel or hostel, and after that I'll be looking for suggestions on the must-see's.

So? Email me at uncharted@gmail.com, will ya?

Please and thank you.

Love,
--the amazing disappearing uncharted

My friends must really love me.

2005-08-16T20:04:00.000-06:00

My friends must really love me.

I received this text message tonight:

[uncharted's last name]! You struggle. Even your mail box is full. Phone me, sucka. OX - me.

In my defence, my blackberry has a pitifully low voicemail capacity and my voicemail filled up in the single hour that I was busy becoming a meringue master.

*sniffle*

Now please excuse me while I go RAID the spider that is slowly making his way across my living room floor.

An open letter to Michiganians

2005-08-15T09:06:00.000-06:00

An open letter to Michiganians
(Michiganites? Michiganers?)

Dearest Michiganians,

Thank you for warmly welcoming our caravan of rowdy Canadians into your fine state this past weekend. Either than the few times in which we feared for our lives, we had an excellent time enjoying the Wolverine State.

Upon returning home to crime-less, character-less G-town, a few key questions stick out in my mind that I am unable to answer by my usual means (Google and whining profusely):

1. Does your road kill clean-up crew take significant holiday time during the summer months? While there is no fonder memory than being greeted as soon as you cross into Michigan with a rotting, maggoty deer carcass on the side of the road...I'm sure that there are other, more sanitary greeting methods that you could focus on. I have never in my life seen such an abundance of putrefying, half-liquid remains in one place. I realize that road kill is an inevitable fact of highway driving, but every single other jurisdiction I've driven through manages to clean it up on a regular basis. So...yeah. What's the story here?

2. Why must all of your public washrooms make visitors fear for their lives? Tourists to your fine state should not have to go to the washroom in groups, muttering prayers (or non-religious equivalents) under their breath. And please don't tell me that I must have just hit a bad washroom or two...my small bladder and I toured washrooms across the state, each one progressively worst than the last. On that note, you should mention in your tourist literature that it is helpful - even recommended - that each group of visitors have at least one burly, muscular bodyguard appointee. Luckily, I was covered on that front and made it back onto Canadian soil in one piece.

3. Is there a particular reason that you choose to patch your roads in such an over-enthusiastic manner? Potholes are one thing, but constructing small mountains in the former crevices only succeeds in worsening the problem. For future reference, roads should actually be flat. It leaves quite the mark when one is driving at the apparently common speed of 152 km and hits several of these small mountains in a row. The top of my head hurts, and I remain quite sure that there is a dent in my roof.

4. Do you employ practical jokers to get a laugh out of the tourists on weekends? I appreciate a good story as much as the next person, but I have to wonder...was the creepy looking guy standing below the sign in the middle of nowhere that read "DO NOT PICK UP HITCHHIKERS - YOU ARE IN A PRISON AREA" for real? Was he *actually* a newly-broken-out-of-jail hitchhiker? Or were you just trying to get a rise out of the tourists? I was curious...but not curious enough to stop and find out, mind you.

In closing, thank you for your hospitality, lack of speed-limit enforcement, and cheese curds. It was a pleasure.

Sincerely,
uncharted

The three-week update...

2005-08-12T09:40:00.000-06:00

The three-week update...

Well, I've survived three weeks here in G-town...and it occurs to me that many of you are not even sure if I'm still alive. The basic reason for this would be that, just this week, I finally managed to secure myself reliable internet connections...welcome to small-town living, I suppose. Anyway, now that I'm back spending time with my precious internet, I'm feeling much better.

G-Town is treating me fairly well, although resident insects have taken the welcoming process a bit too far. I am greatly enjoying having wheels again, but the amount of time that I'm spending in the car is pretty ridiculous. The apartment has shaped up quite nicely, barring a horribly scarring moth invasion (that's for another post), and everything there has come together better than expected. Work, especially, is going extremely well for me...it's nice to be dropped into a new place and be able to be so successful, so quickly in your work.

One of the biggest advantages to being here are the weekends, which generally involve groups of young-ish people jumping into cars for various roadtrips. In the few weekends that I've been here, I've managed to hit up London (twice), Kitchener-Waterloo and then once back to Edmonton. Tomorrow is Michigan, and the weekend after that is Toronto...other suggestions are certainly welcome.

Small town life is a bit stifling, but I seem to be adjusting well. The initial culture shock of the first week that prompted a last minute Edmonton visit has subsided, and I am slowly managing to find the almost non-exsistent under-60 population in the area. My major beef is the constant requirement to be on display...everywhere I go, I must make sure to drive the speed limit (in town only, of course), keep from cutting anyone off, and be polite to the point of being syrupy. Being that [company]-girl certainly keeps me on my best behaviour. It's good for me, I suppose...

Work is unscheduled and constantly changing at best, but other schedules remain. I've been hitting up the gym everyday (yes, really) and have been forced into taking Latin dance classes...which are fun, but somehow not quite right; I can't put my finger on it.

So far, so good...

I'm glad I remembered my passport!

2005-08-11T12:17:00.000-06:00

I'm glad I remembered my passport...

The weekly pilgrimmage to civilization heads across the border this weekend! We expect to come back broke and completely exhausted after far too many hours of driving. Although I hear the duty-free place at the border-crossing has ridiculously cheap booze...hopefully I'll have money left for the drive home...

And I will actually start posting again on a regular basis. Soon. Yeah, that's it...soon.

uncharted is an auntie!

2005-08-07T10:15:00.000-06:00

uncharted is an auntie!

I am pleased to introduce Lauren Grace, born on August 4, to whatever readership I may have left. Boy, do I feel old...

Point?

2005-07-14T22:08:00.000-06:00

Point?

I was informed today that I have a bad habit of starting stories (especially of the travel variety) on my blog and then never finishing them. Yes...yes, I do. Story of my life, actually. So it seems rather fitting that my real life bad habits are transferred online.

So, I suppose that now that I've acknowledged this particular bad habit, I'm supposed to fix it? Well, theoretically...yes. But not tonight...and I have laundry to finish and Champ Car to get ready for (yes, I know...I lead a very difficult life). So we'll all have to settle for the abbreviated version of my travels back to Edmonton:

- Air Canada hates me
- Sprinting through the London Airport is not an enjoyable activity
- Air Canada hates me
- I hate Dash 8's more everytime I'm forced to skulk into one
- How in the world does Pearson Terminal One not have building-wide wireless? Seriously?
- Air Canada hates me
- For future reference for any of you traveling types: if the person next to you cuts you off in mid-sentence, puts their seat back, closes their eyes, and puts on their headphones...it means that they do not want to talk to you. Ever.
- Again, for future reference, it is rude for you to announce "well, you'd better find something for both of us to do on there, or else I'll have to sit around and watch you type" when the person next to you pulls their laptop out to do some work.
- Air Canada hates me
- How is it possible that in the 1.5 hours between flights, I managed to make it on the plane...but my luggage did not?
- Air Canada hates me

"There are only two emotions in a plane: boredom and terror" -- Orson Welles

2005-07-10T13:42:00.000-06:00

"There are only two emotions in a plane: boredom and terror" -- Orson Welles

A slightly dry and overly detailed account of my journey to Ontario last week, for your reading please (or to try to help you to sleep). The trip back here on Friday is still being delicately removed from the scar tissue in the back corner of my brain, but will make it on here shortly...it involved sprints through the London airport, obnoxious Americans and lost luggage. Good times.

8:30 am - Drag my ass into work. Late. Shiny new suitcase in tow.
11:00 am - Jump in some scary cab and head to the airport. Stupidly accept shitty middle seat without thinking about it.
12:45 pm - Elbow my way onto the plane and play the "who's going to sit next to me?" game. You know, the one where you eye every person who comes close to your row and debate whether they'd be a good neighbour? I will soon lose this game horribly.
12:46 pm - Ooh! I discover plugs in the seatbacks, meaning that my laptop will last me the flight and then some. This could be the only good thing that Air Canada does for me on this trip.
12:47 pm - It finally clicks in that the plugs are only located in the window and aisle seats, while the middle seat is blessed with that stupid air phone. A nice young thing works her way into the window, and I confirm that I can steal her plug space.
12:48 pm - My ever-so-friendly neighbour, now christened "Fendi", arrives next to me (in the aisle, no less). She proceeds to huff at me when I dare to cross my legs within two feet of her $5,000 worth of Fendi bags and $20,000 worth of various diamond jewelry. She is stick-thin, and I later discover that her eyelids don't completely close when she sleeps.
12:54 pm - Take-off. Late. This will be the first of many "fuck you!"s to Air Canada.
1:30 pm - Miss Congeniality 2? Are you fucking kidding me?
6:45 pm - Land in Toronto. When did Toronto Tourism arrange to start having new arrivals spritzed in sweat and pollution when they arrive? Kinda memorable, but not entirely pleasant.
7:17 pm - After some quality time spent with the baggage turnstile (around half an hour for those of you keeping track at home), I am pleased to discover my luggage also managed to make the flight and arrive at Pearson.
7:30 pm - I also didn't realize that Toronto Tourism's master plan was for visitors to wander aimlessly around the Pearson parkade desperately trying to find their vehicles. Apparently they've spent so much money on that whole sweat and pollution routine that they ran out of money for signage.
7:47 pm - Shit. Am I supposed to be able to drive on the 401? This. Is. Petrifying.
8:19 pm - Still on the road. I can't help noticing that there are more power lines here than I have ever seen in one place. Although it might be worthwhile to note that, until a year or so ago, I really wasn't into the art of playing 'spot the transmission tower.'
9:13 pm - Arrive in random, mid-sized southwestern Ontario city for dinner, absolutely starving because - unlike WestJet where you'll get a token 10 gram package of pretzels - Air Canada serves not a single solid food on the four hour flight.
11:00 pm - Still driving. My spine is permanently twisted to the left side, for some strange reason...and it's starting to hurt.
11:18 pm - We *finally* make it into town, which will now affectionately be know as G-town. Shockingly enough, in a town of around 7500 people, we seem to be unable to find the hotel. We're awesome.
11:29 pm - Hotel! Right in the "downtown" (do small towns have downtowns?), but not of the utmost quality.
11:34 pm - After a few minutes of standing around in the lobby, it becomes apparent that no one will be coming to the front desk to check us in any time tonight. One of my travel-mates volunteers to go ask at the adjoining bar, and returns with room keys. Yes, that's correct...we checked in at the bar. Fuck.
11:37 pm - Trudge up to the third floor with various suitcases, binders, laptops, etc. No elevators in sight.
11:40 pm - It's...well...a room. That's about all I have to say about it.
12:00 am - Sleep. Finally.

Yep, that's right.

2005-07-03T20:58:00.000-06:00

Yep, that's right. Did you expect anything less of me?

I'd just like to point out that I have 12 days left in Edmonton before I move. I have talked quite extensively about, y'know, packing and all of those related tasks - in fact, chances are that if you asked me what I was doing on any particular night you would have gotten "I'm going to do some packing and cleaning tonight" as a response. I'm sure that I don't need to tell you how many nights that has actually occurred.

Yep, that's right...I move across the country in 12 days and I have not packed a single box. I'm awesome.

'Tis all I have to say on the subject...

2005-06-28T23:29:00.000-06:00

'Tis all I have to say on the subject...

Today is one of those rare times when I can actually say that I am proud to be Canadian.

< /cheese>

158-133

Yar.

2005-06-27T18:01:00.000-06:00

Yar.

Yep, still here...

2005-06-27T14:10:00.000-06:00

Yep, still here...

So it's been a ridiculously long time since I last blogged. I'd almost forsaken it entirely, given my current state of affairs, but my online venting has been particularily lacking lately and needs to be rekindled.

The past month or so has been quite a journey, and I haven't even had enough time to process it, never mind blog about it as well. The short version is that I'm moving cross-country quite shortly, work is even more overwhelming than usual, my personal life needs to be treated for some sort of bi-polar disorder, and I am slowly going crazy.

To keep you all occupied while I elaborate on the above in various rambling, error-laden posts, I was recently ordered to fill out this survey and display it to the three people who may care. Although I'm not sure if (a) there are really three people who do, and (b) who they may be. I know, I never fill out these stupid things...but I give in. *This* time only.

*TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey*
Name:	uncharted
Birthday:	December 18, 1980
Birthplace:	Winnipeg, Manitoba
Current Location:	Edmonton, Alberta (soon to be Goderich, Ontario)
Eye Color:	Always changing, but usually some shade of green
Hair Color:	Dark brown
Height:	5'2"
Right Handed or Left Handed:	Right
Your Heritage:	Russian/Polish/Fish
The Shoes You Wore Today:	My giant black sandals with the bright pink lining
Your Weakness:	Discipline
Your Fears:	Failure
Your Perfect Pizza:	Cheese. Lots of it.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	Stop freaking out. Does that count?
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	rawr.
Thoughts First Waking Up:	None. I don't think at all before 10:30.
Your Best Physical Feature:	Blah.
Your Bedtime:	Around the time most elderly people hit the sack. 'Cause I'm cool.
Your Most Missed Memory:	Anything 'Peg-related
Pepsi or Coke:	Pepsi
MacDonalds or Burger King:	McDonald's (yep, that's not MacDonalds, either)
Single or Group Dates:	Single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	Neither
Chocolate or Vanilla:	Both
Cappuccino or Coffee:	Cappuccino
Do you Smoke:	No comment
Do you Swear:	Too much...what's your fucking point?!?
Do you Sing:	Yep...this is my first year not being choir-less in a long time
Do you Shower Daily:	Since when did hygiene become public fodder?
Have you Been in Love:	More than once. And not the puppy-love kind, either.
Do you want to go to College:	Been there, done that.
Do you want to get Married:	Eventually. Maybe.
Do you belive in yourself:	Not often
Do you get Motion Sickness:	Cars + books = projectile vomitting
Do you think you are Attractive:	Refer back to "Your Best Physical Feature"
Are you a Health Freak:	Refer back to "Your Weakness"
Do you get along with your Parents:	Not even a little bit. There's a reason that I'm two provinces away from my family.
Do you like Thunderstorms:	Love 'em
Do you play an Instrument:	Piano and violin...used to, anyway.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	Wheeeee!!!
In the past month have you Smoked:	I said, no comment!
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	Nope. At least, as far as I can remember.
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	Yes
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	Yes
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	No...Oreos and I have an agreement: they don't come into my house, and I don't eat them all in one sitting.
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	Nooooooo!!!
In the past month have you been on Stage:	Yes
In the past month have you been Dumped:	No...at least, not as far as I know.
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	No
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	No
Ever been Drunk:	As I've already mentioned....wheeeee!!!
Ever been called a Tease:	Moi?
Ever been Beaten up:	Once, with a golf club. Although I broke a nose in return.
Ever Shoplifted:	No
How do you want to Die:	Quickly
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	When I was young, I wanted to be the Canadian Ambassador to Andorra (there isn't one, FYI)
What country would you most like to Visit:	All of them. Literally.
CREATE YOUR OWN!

A random jumble of stuff.

2005-06-07T17:44:00.000-06:00

A random jumble of stuff.

Take that, pigeons!
I think most of my not-so-loyal readers have heard about my pigeon woes. For those of you who haven't, the short version is this: for the past few months, I've been housing a pigeon nursery on my balcony, preventing me from opening my windows and having any sort of fresh air in my apartment...which sucks.

So, after several fights with my landlord, they've finally caved and I will soon be pigeon free. I wonder if there are adverse health effects of living in a horribly stuffy apartment for this long.

Cross-country adventures
So it seems like this move will actually be happening, and soon. Details to follow.

My laptop hates me
I think my precious laptop (aka Cookie Monster) has begun the start of his untimely demise. My screen is practically unreadable (apologies for any typos) and there are strange vertical lines running through everything, along with frequent screen flickering and random computer freezing for what seems to be no reason. I am absolteuly desperate for any of you tech types to work your magic, and at least let me know if I'm completely screwed or not. Seriously...I'll bring my poor cookie monster to wherever you may be. I'm so horribly lost without my internet...

*sniffle*

Be careful what you wish for...

2005-05-31T21:56:00.000-06:00

Be careful what you wish for...

Those of you closest to me have had the misfortune of putting up with a fair amount of my bitching lately...that I'm bored...that I need to go somewhere new...that I hate my apartment and need to move...

Well, it seems that all of the above may be solved...and quickly. Barring a major change of plans in the next couple of weeks, I will be away from Edmonton from July until December. There went my boredom...and it's been replaced with a bit of panic.

So, apologies to all of you who's emails and phone calls have gone unreturned. I'm a tad preoccupied trying to figure out what the hell is going on in my life. On a side note, is anyone looking for a sublet from July or August (even September) until the end of the year? Anyone?

.

I am inexplicably drawn to Chance.

2005-05-18T07:48:00.000-06:00

I am inexplicably drawn to Chance.

This guy could be the cutest thing I've ever seen. I have an insatiable urge to love him and hug him and squeeze him and call him George (bonus points to anyone who gets that reference).

If anyone would like to read about Chance, you can do it here. In the meantime, I'll repress my loving and hugging and squeezing urges...especially important given the fact that he will one day be 315 kilograms.

*****

today's finds: not much new, although I think some new grafitti appeared overnight. I'll update the list if I see anything new and exciting on the way home from work.

.

Time to look on the bright side...

2005-05-17T18:29:00.000-06:00

Time to look on the bright side...

Those of you who talk to me on a fairly regular basis will know that I've been complaining about my living situation for the last few months... Downtown living has it's pros and cons, but lately the cons are most definitely winning.

Well, I've decided that it's time to turn a negative into a positive...thus, I hereby declare the start of "uncharted's daily back alley finds"!!! This morning, while I was delicately picking my way across my dumpster diver-laden back alley, I had my eyes glued to the ground. Why, you ask? No, I was not avoiding the daily stare of the roofers stationed outside my back door. Nor was I counting the potholes in the parking lot. This morning's rain, coupled with my very broken sandals (less than two weeks old...damn you, Bay!), required some very deliberate stepping and hopping to keep my oh-so-delicate toes out of giant mud puddles.

With my head down for so long, I realized that, not only was I side-stepping puddles and giant, stumble-causing pebbles...I was also avoiding such fascinating finds as used needles, huge chunks of broken glass, and old cutlery. So, I've decided to keep a daily inventory just for you, my (very, very few) loyal readers!...if I have to walk through that back alley everyday, all of you now have the pleasure of enjoying it with me! Oh, the excitement!

And on a totally unrelated note, I just hauled myself off the couch, got dressed, and ran across the street in the rain after a totally crazy day at work. For pickles. Yes, you read that correctly...for pickles. I had an intense pickle craving that needed dealing with. Which is...uh...strange, especially considering that I really don't like pickles. Should I be concerned?

*****

today's finds: three used needles, one (presumably) used condom, two deflated balloons (close cousins visiting the condom?), one 1'x2' shard of glass, two bent forks.

Perspective is everything.

2005-05-05T16:49:00.000-06:00

Perspective is everything.

It doesn't seem like it's been that long since I made my last post, but have just clicked on my blog for the first time in a while, it's been a fairly long time in blog-years (which are on a similar scale to dog-years, FYI).

I've got tons to post about, but neither the energy or enthusiasm required to sit down and type it all out. I feel like a sloth today...

In the meantime, I've included an article that I read in today's National Post about the Lynndie England case. I found it quite interesting, I think largely because I had never really put a human face on her before. Once I'd read the article a second time this morning, I could think of girls I know who are just like her...willing to do almost anything to please a guy to make up for what she is lacking (perceived or otherwise). I find it really typical that, for the most part, the mainstream media hasn't picked up on anything in this area...the learning disorders, the below-average IQ, the fact that she was deprived of oxygen for an extended period during her birth. The usual 'find someone to blame and get it done with' attitude prevails as always, I suppose. I just found this dissenting voice added some interesting perspective to the whole situation...

Understanding Lynndie
By Richard Cohen, National Post, May 5/05
Yesterday, a U.S. military judge entered a not-guilty plea on behalf of Lynndie England -- "the pointer," as some have called her, the soldier holding the leashed Iraqi prisoner, the one with the smirk, pointing at the genitals of the naked men. She said she was talked into it. I believe her.
It's odd whom history chooses for fame or infamy. For a while, there was no more famous person in all the world than the then-anonymous Lynndie England. She was some sort of anti-Statue of Liberty, the female personification of what some people insisted America had become. There she was holding the dog leash or posing with the pathetic nude men or climbing on them with her alleged lover and ringleader, Cpl. Charles Graner Jr., since busted to private and serving a 10-year sentence in a military jail.

There is no end to the sadness of Lynndie England. There is no excusing what she did, but explaining it is a different matter. She is that rare genuine article, the cliche, the stereotype that turns out, upon investigation, to be true. She lived with her family in a trailer in West Virginia. She's only a high school graduate. She married when she was 19 -- on a lark, she told her friends, and then only for two years.

She joined the Army Reserves not for patriotic reasons, but for college money (she wanted to be a meteorologist and chase storms). She had an affair or something with Graner in Iraq and has a baby by him. He apparently encouraged her to abuse prisoners. He also married another woman.

A psychologist from her home area testified that England had been a blue baby, born also with a malformation of the tongue that gave her a speech impediment. Apparently, she often chose not to talk at all. She had a learning disability as well. And you can see -- can't you? -- what no one will testify to: She's homely, and that matters for a woman in America. She posed for pornographic pictures with Graner. The discipline of the Army apparently meant she no longer had to have any herself. This is why fascism can be so (sexually) exciting.

In 1995, Bernhard Schlink, a German law professor and novelist, published The Leader -- a powerful and erotic tale of a relationship between a teenage boy and the illiterate woman he reads to. The two have an affair and it is only years later that the man discovers his former lover was a guard at Auschwitz. It was a job she fell into, something she could do and not have to reveal that she could not read. She was a victim, pathetic, but she was also a beast. To understand is not necessarily to forgive.
It is the same with Lynndie England. She is the sort of woman who gets used by men -- as there are, for sure, men who get used the same way. Powerless everywhere in life except on her end of the leash, she just had to come night after night to the section of Abu Ghraib where Graner held sway. She was admonished for this -- her real work was suffering -- but Graner drew her. She knew what she was doing was wrong -- "I could have said no," she told the military court. "I knew it was wrong." But in all likelihood, only theoretically could she have said no. Some women always say yes.
How sad, how ironic, that this wee woman should have become the personification of supposed American arrogance. Like all those convicted for the abuses of Abu Ghraib, she is one of America's little people -- not an officer, not even regular Army, but a collection of nobodies just trying to get somewhere better. Lynndie England was one of them and she is being punished accordingly -- officially for abusing prisoners, actually for being a loser. In her case, the sentence is life.

I think I have a problem.

2005-04-30T15:21:00.000-06:00

I think I have a problem.

After yet another trip to Big Al's today, we determined that we've spent about $2,500 between both of us in the past 18 months or so on our little fish 'addiction'. Yes, that's right...$2,500 in a year and a half. This has resulted in 6 tanks (with a seventh on the way), with an indeterminate amount fish, filters, heaters, aquarium bulbs, decor, aquatic plants, substrates, etc., etc.

In related news, I just spent the past five minutes riffling through my dirty laundry so I could find enough change to pay the pizza guy.

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I suppose that you get what you pay for...

2005-04-27T15:38:00.000-06:00

I suppose that you get what you pay for...

I have just discovered that all of my comments older than four months have completely disappeared. I just spent 10 minutes flipping through my archives, confronted with posts upon posts of '0 Comments'. This makes me sad...

I went to the Haloscan website only to discover they will display comments for only four months unless you're a premium member. The best part? They still have the comments archived, but you can't have them unless you pay up. They're holding my comments hostage...*sniffle*

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uncharted's 5 Rules of Transit Etiquette

2005-04-27T07:28:00.000-06:00

uncharted's 5 Rules of Transit Etiquette

Well, today is hump day, but for some reason it seems like I've already endured a whole week of transit rudeness in the past few days. To get out some frustration (and to prevent me from making good on my threat to kick the loser one cubicle over in the neckface), here are uncharted's 5 Rules of Transit Etiquette (aka: what it takes for me to successfully fight the urge to kill you if you're ever lucky enough to take an ETS jaunt with me...):

Stop staring at me! Stop it! Unless I resemble some random celebrity (which I don't), am walking around with a long strand of toilet paper attached to my shoes or picking my nose (not lately, anyway), or have started staring at you first...I see no reason why I am that captivating. None. There is a reason that there are advertisements on train cars and in buses...so that, if you have an insatiable urge to stare, you can become a corporate whore instead of creeping out the person across from you. If you stare at me long enough, I will start haunting you in your dreams. Do you want that? No, I didn't think so.
If you insist on talking about the amazing sex you had last night, or the awesome tattoo that you're getting next week (a big lettered "CRUNK" written across the chest with...[drum roll, please]...fake tattoo abs. Yes, unfortunately, I'm completely serious) please do so in a way that the whole car, the driver in the car next to you, and the rats underground can't hear you. Also, please refrain from lifting up your shirt to show us the "CRUNK" placement in relation to your little boy nipples.
It is customary (I know, only customary...but still) to allow people to get off the train before you get on. This not only entails not stepping onto the train itself, but also not standing directly in front of the doors so that the riders who want to exit actually have the space to do so. This very simple concept seems to be completely beyond the vast majority of transit ridership...especially the early morning crowd who seem to have had their feet cemented to the ground. Failing to do this will result in a very bizarre staring contest until I lose all self-control and elbow you just above your left temple.
If you and your 4 friends insist on walking all in a row, please ensure that you have not blocked off any and all exit off the platform. If you're one of those people who insists on continuing to chat with your friend standing *next* to them on the same escalator step (not one above or below), then be forewarned that I may snap at any time. Just in case anyone is unclear here...the LEFT side of the escalator is for those who'd like to make a speedy above-ground exit, the RIGHT side is for those who prefer to remain stationary and let the escalator do its thing.
Unless your ass is the size of a small house, it is rude to take up 4 seats for the price of one. Assuming that you're of normal assage, sit the hell down in *one* seat and put whatever bags/purse/box of drug money you may have in your lap or at your feet. Your grocery bag of Doritos and your purse are NOT so important that they should be causing others to stand due to a lack of seating - even though I realize that if you don't have easy access to your Doritos, it will most certainly be the end of the world. Whatever has an ass should have a seat, whatever is completely and totally inanimate and will not tire from standing for the 40 minute bus ride to West Ed SHOULD NOT GET A SEAT. These are very simple rules to follow. As an addendum, just in case we aren't clear, "a seat" includes both the seat and the floor space below it. Unless I am severely lacking in certain body parts (which I very well may be, but that is another story entirely), I will need somewhere to put my legs and feet...and your lap is not an acceptable spot. Putting your stinky gym bag in the floor so that I am forced to hold up my feet for 25 minutes is not ok. As you may have already witnessed, I will eventually get tired of holding my legs in the air, and will then rest my dirty boots on your bag, leaving lovely hooker-boot-marks on the top when I leave.

From time to time, I admit that I may be a tad intolerant of people in general...but, seriously, I don't think that I'm asking too much. Perhaps I can print this up as some public service announcement and get ETS to hand them out as flyers? No? Fine, then. Did I mention that I can't wait until I get my car in August?

Ok, I need your [prayers/non-relgious prayer equivalents]

2005-04-24T23:27:00.000-06:00

Ok, I need your [prayers/non-relgious prayer equivalents]

After a fairly arduous and complex set-up process, we managed to (apparently) successfully set-up the new canister filter for my big tank in the living room today. This is my first foray into this type of filter, and I'm hoping that - despite the lack of manual - we set up the damn thing properly.

I am now about to go to bed, and am desperately hoping that there will not be 29 gallons of water flooding the tenant below me when I wake up in the morning.

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I. Am. So. Awesome.

2005-04-18T21:01:00.000-06:00

I. Am. So. Awesome.

Seriously, I am.

Have I mentioned that recently?

Edit: I would also like to proclaim that as of 11:21 pm today, Mr. Chris Jones is officially awesome as well. Why? Well, I don't have all night to list the reasons, so you'll have to ask him directly.

hee!

2005-04-12T14:45:00.000-06:00

hee!

Somebody found my blog by searching "neckface"!

I'm awesome. And so is whoever first coined the term "neckface". Hack history buffs?...I'm looking at you! Does anyone know who it was at The Gateway that actually created and applied what could have been the most fitting term ever? Anyone?

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Lyrics, treble clefs and minor thirds…

2005-04-11T12:58:00.000-06:00

Lyrics, treble clefs and minor thirds...

Music often spends its time with me in a sort of chameleon-like way. It reinforces my bad mood, pumps up my good days, and, from time to time, reassures me.

My relationship with my good friend music started rather tumultuously, back when I was four. Off I went for my first Sunday lesson with Mrs. Graham, my very stern and smelly piano teacher before the enlightened days of Mrs. Finch. I absolutely hated playing when I was really young. Thinking back on it now, I think it was because my young, budding-perfectionist psyche just couldn't handle one simple fact: my hands were nowhere near big enough to span a full octave, and I was therefore rendered useless in the routine warm-up exercises that we were all forced to do. The more I think about it, that may have been my first bout of self-esteem-damaging perceived inadequacy with my peers, which continues on-and-off to this day.

Anyway, I finally evolved into a decent enough pianist by the time I was 8 or 9...despite still, and even now, having trouble spanning a full octave with my relatively small hands. At that point, however, my definition of "music" wasn't really my piano playing or my budding interest in choral music. It was, horrifyingly, my very first tape...Tiffany. Even then, music had a very transformative effect on me...I felt ever-so-grown-up with my very own tape and bright pink ghetto blaster. Man, was I ever cool... If you're ever in Winnipeg with me, remind me to show you the totally awesome grade six grad photo of me in my bright pink overalls!

For many years around that time, music itself wasn't something that I listened to for enjoyment...it was something that I did because it was a grown-up thing to do. I remember, when I was 10 or 11, I asked my Dad to bring back Blood, Sugar, Sex, Magik for me on one of his many day-trips down to North Dakota. It was promptly removed from my possession after he decided to listen to it one day. How...un-grown-up.

After that, it was still a long time before I associated music with enjoyment. Still, I didn't classify all of the singing I was doing (in various choirs, musicals, and plays) as "music"...music was still what I listened to on the pink ghetto blaster and my new prized Discman.

It is now a good 20 years since my first brush with all of those lyrics, treble clefs and minor thirds... Music has taken on a very convenient role in my life...that of reinforcer and reassurer. There are those mornings that call for soulful ballads about love lost. There are the times right before heading out to the bar that require some good, old fashioned dance tunes. Then there are those times in which that little voice in my head is drowned out by the little bud in my ear...*those* are the times when I appreciate my melodic friend the most.

I woke up this morning feeling horribly uneasy...like *something* was wrong, but I just couldn't figure out what. It was a calming, ballad-filled walk to work...

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I need a do-over...

2005-04-07T19:57:00.000-06:00

I need a do-over.

Can I do that? I need to go back to around the beginning of January, and then start over. There are a few things that I'd like to try again. Hindsight is 20/20, they say...

Can I? Pretty please?

Anniversaries

2005-04-05T04:09:00.000-06:00

Anniversaries

As I sit here in the middle of the night (4:03 am, to be exact) listening to the alarming number of fire trucks that have sped past my apartment tonight, it occurs to me that I have failed to mark a very important occasion. During these last few weeks of blog-avoidance, it seems that I missed the one-year anniversary of the start of my little blog. In fact, today is the one-year-and-one-month anniversary. So, perhaps very fittingly, I'll mark this occasion thinking of why I hate anniversaries...and birthdays...and all things of the sort.

The blog silence should cease rather shortly, in case anyone is curious (which you all seem to be because my traffic hasn't decreased during my absence). I've got a ton that I need to write, it's just a matter of getting it all down...

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If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

2005-03-16T21:13:00.000-07:00

If you don't have anything nice to say, don't
say anything at all.

Yeah. I've got nothing here...

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Blahblahbullshitcakes.

2005-03-04T10:06:00.000-07:00

Blahblahbullshitcakes.

I'm horribly, horribly disappointed with elections so far this year. It's really sad to me that something that we have all worked so hard on has become such a non-event. And if it's a non-event for those of us who are embroiled in it, then imagine how important it is to everyone else on this campus. I think that this may be the kick in the pants that I need to finally "STEP-AWAY-FROM-THE-ELECTION,-MA'AM!" that I needed. Unless, of course, my little hack consulting partnership business takes off next year...then, it'd be a different story. I've also been working on a series of endorsitorials, but I've been balking on whether or not to post them. As of right now, they will stay forever buried on my laptop, unless I feel like burning some bridges...

(As an FYI - this weekend is a completely elections-free weekend for me. Anyone who tries to get me to leave my apartment for something elections-related will be summarily beaten. )

In other news, with my quiet time disappearing rapidly, blog-posting has been pushed way down on the priority list. Several people have complained that they are anxiously awaiting the "Back in the 'Peg, Part Two: In which my grandmother calls my relative a whore and my uncle plays with morphine" post...but that one may be a while, if it even gets written at all. And for the few of you who asked: yes, my stripper cousin is single. She is also in her 40's. Ew.

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Oh, the excitement!

2005-03-03T04:31:00.000-07:00

Oh, the excitement!

Well, it has taken me 3.5 years of living in Edmonton to finally manage a second road trip down to Calgary (the first, about 2 years ago, was one of the best weekends that I've had. Ever.). *This* weekend, however, is most definitely going to eclipse Calgary Weekend V 1.0. Why, you ask?

(Warning: if you are in a public place, you might want to resist the urge to laugh out loud it me...people will stare at you. If you're at home, then go right ahead...)

Next weekend, I will have the pleasure of attending the Calgary Aquarium Society's Annual Auction (the largest fish auction in Western Canada!!!). Yes, dear readers, it is actually as exciting as it sounds (well, as it sounds to me...), and I am *so* excited. You see, I have had seemingly bad luck with attending these types of auctions in recent years. The last auction (the Annual Aquarium Club of Edmonton version) was held last week, but I was unable to attend because of a funeral. The smaller ACE auction before that was held last October, but it was the day of some unfortunate personal issues in which I barely managed to get out of bed, nevermind out of the house.

So there you have it. Next Sunday, around 10 am, if you happen to notice that the world has become a more pleasant place...it's because I will be exuding enough happiness and excitement that all of the world's problems will magically disappear. Just an FYI...

Too old for this...

2005-02-28T05:34:00.000-07:00

To old for this...

It is 5:34 a.m. and I'm currently sitting on the second floor of CAB.

I need to learn how to say no.

Like the moon...

2005-02-25T07:44:00.000-07:00

Like the moon...

(Again, I have no desire at present to type out an extended recap of the dinner in which my uncle played with morphine all night, and we talked about my stripper cousin. So, too bad for anyone who was actually looking forward to it. Although I can't imagine that anyone would fall into that category anyway...)

I am a very phasical (phasual? phase-ridden? phase-heavy?) person. I settle, short-term, into habits and perspectives that are extremely hard to break...until my next phase, of course. This goes for big things, such as projects for work, relationships, etc. ...but also for little things such as my morning routine, the same few songs that I listen to relentlessly on my iPOD, the TV show that I absolutely must watch.

I recognize that this is a part of who I am, but I can't quite figure out whether it's a positive or a negative. One thing that I can figure out, is that being this way helps me adjust fairly quickly to changes in my life...I've been accused from time to time of not liking (or adapting well to) change. Totally not the case, if my opinion counts at all. I just settle myself into a new phase, complete with new routines and that 'new phase' mentality.

I seem to be fairly entrenched in this latest phase...so deep that I wonder if I'm ever going to move on to the next one. I've settled comfortably into my routine and it seems to be treating me well. Currently on my daily list are:

- a little too much socializing and going out
- watching American Idol with almost a religious fervor
(now quit laughing!)
- over-involving myself (again) with the SU
- following the *exact* same morning routine, even on
weekends
- spending too much time on MSN
- a noticeable lack of meals of any sort
- listening to the same five songs to and from work everyday
on my iPOD (This Love, Surround Me, If I Ain't Got You,
One Great City and Can I Walk With You...in case
anyone is curious)

The good thing about this current phase is there really doesn't seem to be that much in the way of negatives. Even the "too much" points aren't all that detrimental. Many of you will notice that there's no...uh...school stuff anywhere on the list. That, unfortunately, is deliberate. Either than that, I'm fairly pleased with this little phase...so much so, that the next one seems impossibly far off.

Consistency is a good thing, but I think this may be getting to extreme for me...

All he does is lurk...

2005-02-23T18:31:00.000-07:00

All he does is lurk under my hot water pipes and wait for a juicy ankle to go by that he can feast on...

Four things which desperately need to be done in my apartment, but I just can't bring myself to do because I'm just a tad squeamish...

Clean up the broken pigeon egg on my balcony that landed right below where those stupid, smelly birds always sit. Lay your eggs in a nest, idiots! On a side note, does anyone have any suggestions for keeping the pigeons off my balcony?

Scrub away the mold stain on my carpet. It's...uh...crusty!

Scare away the monster in my storage room who keeps moving my stuff when I'm not looking. I swear, all he does is lurk under my hot water pipes and wait for a juicy ankle to go by that he can feast on...

Figure out what the feathery wormy things are that just appeared in my tank. If it doesn't wiggle, I think it's all good...

And yes, I know I'm supposed to be posting about my grandmother calling my cousin a whore...but I don't feel like it today. I'm sure that you're all horribly, horribly disappointed. Or something.

Edited to add: I poked at the wormy things in my tank 35 minutes ago, and my right calf muscle has now been twitching for exactly 35 minutes... I'm hoping that it's a stress twitch (most recently hack-blogged about by my former BQ caucus-mate, Sarah Colpitts), but I'm wondering if the wormy things have made their way into my system...

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Back in the 'Peg, Part One

2005-02-22T16:00:00.000-07:00

Back in the 'Peg, Part One: In which the teeny-tiny crotchety plane miraculously delivers me to the 'Peg

As most of you know, I went home this past long weekend for one of those ever-so-enjoyable family visits. I kept blogpost records of the whole thing piece-by-piece, and will be posting them in a rather disorganized and haphazard fashion. If you're looking for organization (or something interesting to read, for that matter), then you'd best look elsewhere for the next few days.

--------------------

Right on time (amazingly enough) on Friday, I snuck out of work with my suitcase in tow. I hightailed it over to the Chateau Lacombe and, when the SkyShuttle pulled up (late, of course) I was promptly ousted from my first-in-line spot by some obnoxious woman who drove up in a taxi and practically stepped on me in order to get into the van first. I didn't say anything (because passive-aggressiveness is fun!), but made sure that I elbowed her when I got out of the van. Um...whoops?

Despite being late arriving at the airport, I somehow managed to sit at the gate for over an hour. Luckily - thanks to Jones pointing me in the direction of free airport wireless and Janet, my airport msn buddy - it wasn't all that bad. Except for the woman who kept reading over my shoulder sitting next to me at the gate. I had no idea that SU elections were so damn interesting. Ok, well I did...I just didn't think that normal people thought so too...

I have always, always tried to go Air Canada instead of WestJet when flying back and from Edmonton to the 'Peg...better service, mostly better with arrival and departure times, etc. Well, I take it all back. I knew that there was going to be a problem when I started heading down the ramp to board...and the ramp kept going and going, and soon enough I could see my breath. Why, you ask? Well, lucky for me (or something like that), I had managed to book my seat on one of those teeny-tiny regional planes! Hooray! So I walked out onto the tarmac (yes, that's correct...I was standing on the tarmac watching mammoth planes roll by me) and waited to walk up those ever-so-sturdy fold-out steps on to the plane.

Those of you who've ever flown with me (I believe there are a few readers who can claim to have made it out alive on an excursion with me) will know that I'm not much for flying. It's not a fear of heights that's the issue (I used to - and sometimes still do - climb on anything and everything that looks climb-able to me...roofs, railings, trees, etc.), I think it's more a lack of control thing. Regardless, teeny-tiny crotchety old planes certainly make me more nervous than not-so-teeny-tiny, slightly newer planes. Take-off went surprisingly smoothly, with no disembodied limbs or passengers being sucked out of ajar emergency exits...

So, you know you're in a small plane when you sit down and you can't quite open your laptop all the way (I know I have a big laptop, but still...) The only thing that managed to placate me was Random Hot Guy who sat down next to me. At first, Random Hot Guy just plain pissed me off because he was one of those people who think that the armrest belongs entirely to them. However, he quickly made up for his little error in judgment by taking an interest in the Alias episode that I happened to be watching, and we spent the rest of the flight in complete SD-6 happiness, with a headphone splitter and several packages of that crappy Air Canada trail mix.

Landing, again surprisingly, wasn't so horrible. I bid adieu to Random Hot Guy and stood around on the freezing cold ramp for 10 minutes, waiting for my SkyChecked bag. As just a taste of what I was in for, my mother phoned me a total of three times to find out why I wasn't already downstairs while she was waiting. Fuck.

--------------------

And "Fuck" is where this blog entry will end. Still to come are "Back in the 'Peg, Part Two: In which my grandmother calls my relative a whore and my uncle plays with morphine" and "Back in the 'Peg, Part Three: In which 15 people and a baby are trapped in a house for 5 hours while the dog throws up". Exciting, I know...

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Safe

2005-02-19T08:54:00.000-07:00

Safe

I spent all of last night looking through the somewhat sparse evidence of my life. By all accounts, it was a good one...anyone who pawed through my old photographs and hidden mementos would know that. As I sat in the midst of my old life, I was overwhelmed with a sense of safety and, more importantly, total ease. It's true that I ran from this life as fast as I possibly could, some 3.5 years ago...but it wasn't life as a whole I was running from, it was one small aspect of that life that I could no longer deal with. As I sit here at my old desk, staring at pictures of my old friends, my feet on my bed as they always were…I almost regret leaving in the first place.

My desk is currently covered with pictures of Tony in his superman pose, our once-inseparable group of 3 couples smiling proudly on our way to graduation, the picture in front of the Eiffel Tower from my scholarship trip to Europe. The claddagh ring that my high school ex brought back for me from Scotland, the chocolate rose that I received from a co-worker on Valentine's Day. My old high school year books and the slate core from my mining adventure in Flin Flon. Maybe I'm just not as sentimental as I used to be, or maybe I take it all for granted...but I don't have these little things anymore. I have no box of treasures; no evidence of my life.

It's not that I don't enjoy my life in Edmonton. I have made incredible friendships, grown more than I possibly could have here in the 'Peg, and gone through many amazing experiences. What I now lack is that safe and secure feeling that I once had. It feels that I am in a constant state of turmoil...and every time when I finally claw my way out of it - as I recently had - I fall right back in again.

I have always been one to push forward, break through to the other side and keep going. Right now all I want to do is go back. I miss feeling safe.

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But one small request...

2005-02-18T15:12:00.000-07:00

But one small request...

I leave for a torturous weekend in the 'Peg in about half an hour or so, and I'll post one blanket request to the lot of you whom I'll be msn'ing/emailing/etc. in the next few days...

Please! Do not talk to me about anything elections or SU-related!

Why, you ask? It's Hack Hannukah (tm Roman)! The next few days are my time away from all things SU to ponder life as much as I can while my mother tries to kick in my bedroom door to bond with me.

Wish me luck. I most certainly need it.

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I had no idea that Valentine's Day was so serious...

2005-02-16T10:41:00.000-07:00

I had no idea that Valentine's Day was so serious...

So I received a couple of V-day e-cards, but the Hallmark website was down so I couldn't access them. Because it was only an e-card, I thought nothing of it and went about my business. Apparently that's not what everyone else thought...

Really, people...they're e-cards. Just relax.

The email that I received from Hallmark this morning:

Dear Friend,

We owe you an apology. First, the most important three words of this letter - WE ARE SORRY.

This Valentine's Day, our site was up and down all day. For many of you, that meant frustration and wasted time when you were simply trying to send or retrieve an e-card.

We thought that we were ready to handle a huge amount of traffic on Valentine's Day. Obviously, we thought wrong. We were suprised by double the amount of traffic that we expected. And we cringe at the disappointment we caused some of you.

In short, we made promises to deliver that were not kept. And for those of you who experienced that disappointment, we are so sorry for any frustration we may have caused.

Rest assured this experience will serve as a lesson for us. WE are now challenging our team to reevaluate every step we took to prepare for Valentine's Day...because it wasn't enough.

With our deepest apologies,
The Hallmark.com Team

I am...

2005-02-14T14:01:00.000-07:00

I am...

...stressed out beyond belief right now. I need a vacation or something (but a real one this time).

...going through a spilly phase. This weekend I managed to spill a glass of red wine, a glass of moldy juice (yes, mold stains carpet in case anyone is curious), 3 gallons of fish water on my new dining room furniture, and kraft dinner all over my kitchen floor.

...glad that I am not one of the seemingly hundreds of people cramming into Hallmark elbowing their way to that last Valentine's Day card.

...stealthy enough that I've managed to keep my Purity Test score to myself. So far.

...excited that my step-brother *finally* proposed to his girlfriend (6 years, people!). The best part is that it was done in Vegas, right in front of that giant fountain at the Bellagio.

...impressively productive today.

...smoking again. But I'm working on it.

...living in a mostly clean apartment for the first time in a long time. Apparently the only way that I clean is if someone is coming over.

...a fishie miracle worker. Take that, columnaris!

...lucky to have such good friends who take me to the fishie store (well, three stores if we're gonna be picky about it) on two seperate occasions over two days, enjoy themselves, and then coin the term "fishie-storing."

...watching my "I NEED A CAR NOW!!!" fund growing larger. I realized this weekend that this is the first time *ever* that I have not had a car more or less at my disposal if I really needed to go somewhere. R.I.P. Capri-ster...

...looking forward to my dinner of (apparently) entirely heart-shaped things, or so I'm told. I think I'm afraid.

...going to be kidnapped and possibly murdered at exactly 9:30 a.m. on February 27. Can somebody please look after my fish for me?

...desperately trying to locate my puffy red vest. Seriously. Has anybody seen it?

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Tonight's equation

2005-02-12T03:03:00.000-07:00

Tonight's equation...

one slightly buzzed uncharted
+
one LRT ride home
+
one train car full of happy, also slightly buzzed passengers
+
two almost off-duty transit cops
+
a car-wide debate over which stop the cute gay couple should get off at
+
a craving for cheese toast
=
an interesting hour spent at BP's with random LRT people.

(And yes, I realize that I'm fairly lucky that I'm still alive. Although next week's outing with fishie guy could bring this lucky streak to an end...)

Random tidbits...

2005-02-10T12:56:00.000-07:00

Random tidbits...

The timely: I ran out of room on the page while calculating my purity test score this morning.

The relevant: no matter how much I try to disassociate myself from the SU, it never works.

The emotional: an apology means more to me when it is given a second time.

The obvious: I'm no Martha Stewart.

The annoying: If the guy in the next cubicle doesn't learn how to turn the ringer down on this phone soon, I am going to kick him. Hard. In the neckface (yes, he has one).

The logical: Yesterday, someone on the LRT took it upon themself to pass along the best piece of advice I've heard in a while..."always beware of the guys who try to pick up on the train - if you go out on a date, you'll have to take a bus...and that's just not cool." Good to know.

The necessity: If I don't hibernate for a whole weekend sometime soon, there is going to be trouble. This weekend is busy, next weekend I'm out of town, and then it just go steadily downhill from there. Trouble, meet blogreaders.

The horrible: Sometimes it makes more sense to try and change things from the inside, instead of being the one who rings the doorbell and then sets the bag of shit on fire.

The insulating: It seems that I don't trust people anymore. This is bad, in case anyone is curious.

The calming: I'm planning on setting up a fish tank in my office next week. I haven't actually received approval for this, but I'm clinging to the saying that it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission.

The disconcerting: There are people out there who are totally incompetent and completely lack social skills...and yet they are in high-ranking positions and seemingly well-respected. Am I missing something here?

Is this what I think it is?

2005-02-08T14:32:00.000-07:00

Is this what I think it is?

Important news for post-secondary students will be highlight of Premier's special centennial TV address

Seriously. Is it? Because it really does make sense...and it's the perfect time...and I'm starting to wonder...

The heart list...

2005-02-07T07:47:00.000-07:00

The heart list...

The Apprentice
Webmail 2.0 Beta
4/$1.00 grapefruit at Save-On
Driving everywhere! Wheeee!!!
"CookieMonster TiVo" (a.k.a. my constant Bit Torrent download)
The fact the my picture & profile is up on my work's homepage
My giant, mutant monster of a new fish
The new show "American Dad", in which "Steve Smith" (not this one) ran in his school election and won
12" Powerbooks (or, to clarify, staring at them...I can't actually *have* one until the summer)
Sitting down in SUB and figuring out who's around by picking up their iTunes
Planning the best. roadtrip. ever.
Telling my mother that my priority while I'm home is going to the Brichardi breeder (*and* not getting into an argument about it)
Not going to sleep until 9:30 am on Sunday morning, and still managing to wake up this morning feeling somewhat normal

10-10!

2005-02-04T07:09:00.000-07:00

10-10!

My observation for the day: I am too old (and too small) to be breaking up fights. Stupid boys and their stupid tempers. Sigh.

And I really, really (really) don't want to go to work right now. All I want is a nap. But apparently that is asking too much.

Purple monkey dishwasher!

2005-02-03T13:05:00.000-07:00

Purple monkey dishwasher!

It occurs to me that I haven't posted in quite a while. Well, it didn't so much occur to me, as I got annoyed at everyone telling me to update my blog. And since we all know that I always listen to irrational yelling (*ahem*!), here is your post... Of course, the consequences of a forced post like this is that I don't have much coherent to say...

After an insanely busy weekend suceding from Canada, I have still not managed to get caught up with my life. The weekend, though, was totally worth it. I was part of the Bloc Quebecois caucus at the 2005 Model Parliament, which could have been the most hackish caucus ever. By the end of the weekend, the BQ was made up of such hackish luminaries as Chris Jones, M. Mustafa Hirji, Dane Bullerwell, Shawna Pandya, Sarah Colpitts, Alan Cliff, Alex Abboud and myself.

Due to our hackish charm, stellar fake parliamentary skills and our fearless leader, the Bloc managed to pass it's bill in what seems to be the first time in Model Parliament history. While most definitely weakened by french-hating amendments, it turned out pretty well regardless.

While I am quite pleased with my obviously fabulous fake parliamentary skills (read: my only meaningful contribution was sending fake-flirtateous notes to creepy NDPers with Sarah in an attempt to increase the BQ ranks), I am even more thrilled with the survival skills that I displayed this weekend. I got home from Scholar's at about 2:30 or so and begin to bleed profusely from my bar injury (I'm so suing!!!). What do I do, you ask? Go to the hospital? Try to fix it? Ha! I promptly get on MSN and begin conversations with four different people to tell them that I'm bleeding all over my laptop! Whee! Although I would still like to note that I made it into the House before it started the next morning (thanks to Mustafa, who should really start his own online medical consulting business).

I have lots more to say, but I feel like I haven't slept in days (have I?!?)...so I'm posting the Bloc Bill (penned by Mustafa in between his medical consulting gigs) for your reading pleasure and heading back into my current zombie state.

Bill C-2
An Act to enact measures to restore balance to federalism and
to improve the quality of social services in Canada
Preamble
WHEREAS Canada was formed from two distinct nations with differing customs and laws;
WHEREAS Canada today has many different populations, each with differing wants and needs;
WHEREAS a federal system of government should allow for differing wants and needs of each population to be properly realized;
WHEREAS the Provinces can no longer fulfill their constitutional duties under the current fiscal arrangement;
WHEREAS the current fiscal imbalance is to the detriment of the peoples of Canada;
WHEREAS the inclusion of natural resources in the equalization formula impedes the growth of the poorest provinces;
WHEREAS the equalization formula arbitrarily uses five provinces instead of ten provinces to depress the equalization payments given to less bountiful provinces;
WHEREAS the Standing Senate Committee on National Finance recommended in March 2002 for the permanent elimination of caps to equalization payments;
WHEREAS the sovereignty of Provinces is threatened by their inability to provide services and, further, by the equalization program's depression of the poorest provinces' aspirations;
WHEREAS the federal government no longer pays the 50% cost of health care that it agreed to at the launch of national public health care in the 1960s;
WHEREAS the Government of Canada overtaxes its citizens;
NOW, THEREFORE, Her Majesty, by and with the advice and consent of the Senate and the House of Commons of Canada, enacts as follows:
Short Title
1. This Act may be cited as the Rebalancing of Federalism Act.
Interpretation
2. In this act, "Minister" means the Minister of Finance.
Rebalancing the Finances of the Federation
3. The Minister will identify at least $5.7 billion in program efficiencies, reductions, and eliminations and will report these to Parliament by January 1, 2008.
4. The Minister will establish a Provincial Debt Reduction Transfer program to reduce the debts of provincial governments.
5. Notwithstanding the provisions of Sections 3 and 4 of this Bill, the Minister will propose to Parliament by January 1, 2006 options for increasing the Canada Health and Social Transfer to be equivalent to 25% of the provincial health and education spending.
6. The Minister will present to Parliament by January 1, 2007 a proposal to eliminate both the Canada Health and Social Transfer and the Good and Services Tax such that heath and education spending by the provinces can be accommodated under provincial taxation powers.
Reforming the Equalization Program
7. The Federal-Provincial Fiscal Arrangements Act is amended such that the "national per capita equalization standard" be the national per capita yield of all the provinces for all revenue sources.
8. The Federal-Provincial Fiscal Arrangement Act is amended such that for fiscal equalization payments, "revenue source" no longer be defined to include the following for a province unless that province does not qualify to receive a fiscal equalization payment:
(a) forestry revenues,
(b) conventional new oil revenues,
(c) conventional old oil revenues,
(d) heavy oil revenues,
(e) mined oil revenues,
(f) light and medium third tier oil,
(g) heavy third tier oil,
(h) revenues from domestically sold natural gas and exported natural gas,
(i) sales of Crown leases and reservations on oil and natural gas lands,
(j) oil and gas revenues other than those described in paragraphs (b) to (i), and
(k) mining revenues.
Restoring Provincial Sovereignty
9. Where a province chooses not to participate in a program funded by both the government of Canada and the governments of the provinces, that province will receive a payment from the government of Canada equivalent to the payment it would have received from the government of Canada to fund the aforementioned program.
Coming Into Force
10. This Act shall come into force upon receiving Royal Assent.

The one-year itch, life in general and Snoopy...

2005-01-26T08:47:00.000-07:00

The one-year itch, life in general, and Snoopy...

As many of you who know me fairly well will know, I have a bit of a problem with my attention span. Routinely, I can keep myself happy with something for about a year, and then my patiences wanes and I feel the need to move on. This has happened with jobs, relationships, living situations...pretty much all of life's biggies.

This quirk is also fairly evident in the little things in my life...and the one that's rearing it's head (hee hee) right now is the straight versus curly debate. No, this is not some metaphor for sexual orientation (although, if I may point out, my attention span in that regard has been just fine), I'm talking about my hair. I'm not really much of a girly-girl (and obviously so), but straight v. curly debate has been raging strongly in my office for at least a week. It seems that I've had my hair straight for a little over a year and - you guessed it - I'm bored. I had no idea that one's hair should be so riveting. It must be because I'm fascinating. Or something.

On to other, far more interesting news, I've finally hit a decent balance in my life that I haven't had in a while. Work, classes, friends, family, basic upkeep...it's all meshed into a very nicely knitted little patchwork (except for perhaps the slightly disproportionate time spent on social life, and the little bit more required on the schoolwork). Things feel very...put together, which is nice, considering how upside-down I have been feeling for so long. I am prioritizing what responsibitilies need to be taken care of now and which ones can be pushed off just a little, I'm giving in to my few guilty pleasures when I need to, reconnecting with old friends, and I'm feeling overall like an organized, responsible person (ignoring all of that excessive drinking, of course).

On a slightly related note, does anyone happen to have an old copy of "Happiness Is..." lying around? You know, the one with Snoopy and all of the Peanuts characters from when you were little (and, yes, all of you hacks...I'm insistent that you had some sort of childhood). Anyway, I'm in desperate need of a copy - just for a few days. I'll give it back, and in mint condition too...my flaring OCD w.r.t. books will ensure that. Pretty please? Anyone?

Deja vu...

2005-01-23T09:39:00.000-07:00

Deja vu...

I'm fairly sure that - at face value - this January compared to last January couldn't be more different for me...different apartment, different daily routine, different job, different perspective. I seems, however, that I'm in the midst of a major deja vu. And I like it.

I'll post more later. I've had a ton to say lately, but somehow just haven't managed to sit down and post it...which would be because I'm horribly, horribly lazy. But you all knew that already.

It's been a while since I've posted...

2005-01-19T07:58:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I've posted...

...but I have good reason. The past several days have consisted of:

not coming home for days on end
actually doing of my readings for class! (*shock*!)
spending inordinate amounts of time on messenger
concocting the best. slate. ever.
being a real student!
giving in to partisan-ism (is that a word?)
hanging out by the SUBfire
a severe lack of sleep

So, you'll all have to forgive my blog-laziness as I - yet again - am in the midst of one of those major life switch-ups, and am a little flitty these days. Excited...but still flitty.

Now please excuse me while I go back to the real world...it's calling and it wants its database report. Silly real world...

I'm having a bad day. Make that a bad week.

2005-01-14T17:25:00.000-07:00

I'm having a bad day. Make that a bad week.

Have I fallen so far off the radar that I had to find out about what happened at this morning's BoG meeting from ExpressNews?

The answer is yes, in case anyone is actually wondering.

Sigh.

Now that I'm not contagious...

2005-01-11T23:14:00.000-07:00

Now that I'm not contagious...

...I suppose that something else in my apartment had to take over. I think that my favourite little ram, Bear, has Fish Tuberculosis. His spine is literally bent at a 90 degree angle and it's all he can do to keep from flopping into the other fish. Fuck.

Yes, folks...you heard right. Fish Tuberculosis. It can not only ravage a tank and kill everything in it...it can also be transmitted to humans who happen to stick their hands into tanks regularily. Even better.

All I want to do right now is go to bed. I guess I'll be setting up a quarantine tank and then washing my hands 20 times before I can manage to get under the covers.

Sigh. I love my fish and everything...but this is pushing it.

Edit: R.I.P. Bear, ? - January 12, 2005.

A random jumble of crap...

2005-01-10T12:27:00.000-07:00

A random jumble of crap...

Well, I was ordered by Pooh-Bog to post...and since I blindly follow orders (ha!), here you go, Roman. Although don't expect this to be anything close to coherent or worth your time...

In which I manage to cheat death (I think).
It seems that whatever virus managed to overtake me last week is slowly looking for new people to infect and leaving me alone. For the first day in over a week, I can actually say that I'm feeling better than the day before, instead of horribly, horribly worse. Yay me. Although I think that one last visit to ye ol' Health Centre may be in order, it seems that I'll live. For now.

In which I decide whether to slack or learn.
I am currently registered in three night classes, and will be using this week to decide which one will win out. Today, I'll be sitting in on People and Cultures of South & East Africa (ANTHR 284), Tuesday will be Canadian Natural Resource Policy (POL S 440) and Wednesday will be World War Two (HIST 296).

There's no doubt that POL S 440 would be the most useful to me, but I'm unsure that I'm going to have the time and energy to commit to a 'real' course this semester. Should I feel like attending classes, but not useful ones, I'm left with ANTHR 284 and HIST 296...both of which I would enjoy (don't laugh!) but are entirely useless if I'm actually up to applying what I learn in the 'real world'. Thoughts?

In which I get my shit together.
I have been notoriously bad over the past few years at doing those simple things such as paying bills, keeping track of expenses, etc. Now that I seem to be in this role of 'real person', I've been trying a bit harder to be good. It was all going markedly well (all my bills up to date, saving money, etc.) when I realized that I really had no health care of any kind. The plan had been to coerce Manitoba Health into insuring me for one more year (which, for anyone whom I haven't ranted to about this yet, is FREE), and then get some supplemental Manitoba Blue Cross to cover the extras.

Well, not only did I not follow through on the Blue Cross stuff, while I was *this* close to going to the Emergency Room during my visit with the afforementioned virus last week, I realized that I had let my health care lapse and didn't even have basic coverage to see a doctor. Fuck.

After much panicking (and a complete dupe of the Health Centre...yay me!), I sent in my Manitoba Health renewal this morning. Now, I just need to not get sick until the card actually gets here...

In which I feel a little lost.
This is the first year that I have beeen in Edmonton and not spent the first half of January up to my ears in Tuition Campaign. It feels...bizarre. Although I think what feels worse is the fact that - even if I was still a full-time student and involved on campus - I'm not sure I'd be up to my ears...maybe my ankles, but that's it. I've spent a lot of time thinking about it, and I think I've figured out why...but still, it's disturbing me nonetheless.

In which I procrastinate. Alot.
Things that are currently half-done on my to-do list, that were supposed to have been done a long, long time ago...

changing the water in my tanks for my poor fishies
unpacking the suitcases that continue to sit by the front door
go grocery shopping (because fresh fruits and vegetables are a good thing)
finish the half-written POI post that has been sitting on my laptop for three weeks
catch up on all of that domesticated, house-cleaning type stuff
set up the new tank in my living room that is desperate for water and fish and such
go through the three (yes, three) garbage bags of clothes on the floor of my bedroom closet
finish unpacking. Don't laugh.

In which I ignore you all.
It was pointed out to me last night that I enjoy hiding out from everyone, and then pointing out that I'm hiding out from them. Yes, it's true that I haven't totally managed to kick my anti-social tendencies, I admit it. But really, you folks aren't missing all that much. Trust me.

And if you're one of the 18 messages on my voicemail...I apologize. I'll listen to them once I'm done hiding out.

Sniffle

2005-01-07T13:14:00.000-07:00

*Sniffle*

Statement from the Office of the Lieutenant Governor of Alberta on the passing of Lois E. Hole

Donate! Do it! You know you want to!

2005-01-02T18:34:00.000-07:00

Donate! Do it! You know you want to!

Well, I haven't even been back for 24 hours yet, and all I've managed to do is glue myself to the news on the tsunami. Should anyone have some extra cash lying around, the Federal Government will be matching all individual donations dollar-for-dollar to the NGOs below until January 11th (I can only assume in addition to the $80 million announced today).

Canadian organizations eligible for government matching funds:

Also, if anyone cares (and I admit, this is definitely a benefit for me) the government has also extended the 2004 charitable donation deadline until January 11th so that all tsunami relief donations made before that day can be included on your 2004 tax return.

On a side note, this whole mess certainly puts the upcoming tuition "struggle" into perspective, no?

Still alive...

2004-12-29T13:46:00.000-07:00

Still alive...

...just in case anyone is wondering. Slowly going broke, but alive nonetheless.

And for those keeping score, Chris hasn't wandered off and gotten lost once. It must be because I'm holding the NBA tickets hostage...

purr

2004-12-22T11:26:00.000-07:00

*purr*

Today is one of those good days.

I spent all morning (*while* doing my work, keep in mind) staring at the sundogs out my window and watching mist rise off the river. I'm heading out for an extended lunch soon, and then tonight will be drinking myself into oblivion with free booze (and food!) in a Roadrunners box suite.

It makes the bitchiness, broken washer and messy apartment of yesterday almost forgotten...

Although, be forewarned...ruin my good mood and face my wrath. Rawr.

**********

Edit:
To add to my fabulous day, I think I just found my new favourite song, thanks to Warren Kinsella...

One Great City!
The Weakerthans

Late afternoon, another day is nearly done.
A darker gray is breaking through a lighter one.
A thousand sharpened elbows in the underground.
That hollow hurried sound
of feet on polished floor,
and in the Dollar Store
the clerk is closing up,
and counting Loonies, trying not to say,
"I hate Winnipeg."

The driver checks the mirror, seven minutes late.
The crowded riders' restlessness enunciates that the Guess Who suck, the Jets were lousy anyway.
The same route every day.
And in the turning lane,
someone's stalled again.
He's talking to himself,
and hears the price of gas repeat his phrase:
"I hate Winnipeg."

And up above us all,
leaning into sky,
our Golden Business Boy
will watch the North End die,
and sing "I love this town,"
then let his arcing wrecking ball proclaim,
"I hate Winnipeg."

I'm a spy!

2004-12-20T07:30:00.000-07:00

I'm a spy!

First off, apologies for the extended absence. However, since there have been absences much longer than mine lately, I'm not losing any sleep over it.

For my birthday I got to be a spy! I was sent on a very top secret mission as I solved a series of haiku clues to get to what I've officially titled as "The Best Present Ever." Thanks to the spymaster for orchestrating what turned out to be the most fun I've had in a while.

There'll probably be another long absence following this post as I get ready for my trip. Although it's probably not so wise to throw this in cyber-world, Chris and I will be heading to LA for a week on Saturday. So, if anyone is planning on breaking into my apartment, you'll know when I'm gone. However, if you're planning on breaking in, would you minding feeding the fish while you're there?

Anyway, happy holidays all and I'll see most of you when I get back!

Fishies!

2004-12-04T09:35:00.000-07:00

Fishies!

I am pleased to announce that the population in my apartment has increased immensely in the past week. I am now a very proud mommy to:

The 10 Gallon:

Carrie, Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte - the Panda Cories
Bear - the male Blue Ram
Violet and Juniper (aka "the ladies") - the female Blue Rams

The 5 Gallon:

Grumblefish - the veil tail Betta
Cumulus, Cirrus and Nimbus - the Panda Cories

Pics are posted below. Apologies for the half-assed photography...I was so excited to start showing them off that I wasn't patient enough for good photos.

Blurry, blurry Blue Rams

2004-12-04T09:33:00.000-07:00

Blurry, blurry blue rams - Violet and Bear in the 10 gallon

The 5 gallon

2004-12-04T09:32:00.000-07:00

the 5 gallon with a posing Grumblefish

The 10 gallon...

2004-12-04T09:30:00.000-07:00

a quick shot of the 10 gallon

Do you know what I hate?

2004-11-29T11:32:00.000-07:00

Do you know what I hate?

People. That's right...you heard me.

I am so frustrated right now that I think my head might actually explode.

Fuck.

A clarification...

2004-11-26T12:54:00.000-07:00

A clarification...

I suppose that I should elaborate on my previous post. It's not that I'm unhappy with my work, or that I feel like I'm selling out. I just feel like I've been sucked deep into BusinessLand [insert ominous music here] and I can't locate the real world anymore.

Just need a little more adjustment time, I suppose...

Sigh.

2004-11-24T07:14:00.000-07:00

Sigh.

I feel like a corporate whore today.

Politics and religion, religion and politics...

2004-11-23T07:57:00.000-07:00

Politics and religion, religion and politics...

E-Day Goodness
(aka "a haiku for the Liberals"...thanks to poor,
befuddled Portia Clark!)
So we had this discussion at work this morning, and I thought I'd put it out there to see what everyone thought.

In my opinion, anyway, I think we just created a more right-wing monster than we had before. Liberal and ND gains were made almost entirely in the urban areas of Alberta, mostly in Edmonton with a few in Calgary. So who were the Tory MLAs who we booted? They were the centrist members of caucus - the ones who provided a little lefty balance. So now that we've booted these (relative) voices of reason out of the PC Caucus, are the Tories now free to privatize health care and quash same-sex marriage even more than before? Did we just do more harm than good?

Relgion...or is it?
And on a totally unrelated note, why is it that whenever someone sees an 'image' of the Virgin Mary (i.e. the recent grilled cheese sandwich story), why is it immediately the Virgin Mary, and not just some woman? Seriously, of all of the supposed images that I've seen, I've never once thought "hey...that looks like Mary!". *If* (and that's a big if) I use my imagination to even see an image at all, I say "hey...that looks like any random woman, but since she'll emblazoned on the side of a grilled cheese sandwich, I can't quite make out her features!".

Quote of the day...

2004-11-18T11:03:00.000-07:00

Quote of the day...

"I'm not sure that 'old white man' will go over well with this community."

- me, working hard (no seriously, I really was!)

Guilty Pleasures on a Sunday Evening...

2004-11-15T07:34:00.000-07:00

Guilty Pleasures on a Sunday Evening...

There are many things for which I have a weak spot - far too many than I'd care to admit. The usual are the ones that most of you already know - politics of any kind, my fishies, random venting sessions and gossip. There are many more, however, that I'd rather not admit to...but *this* one, I can't help.

I'm such a sucker for those cheesy, made-for-TV disaster movies. I can't help myself. So last night when I was flipping channels at around 10:30 or so, I was beyond excited when I hit the jackpot...Category 6: Day of Destruction!!! It had everything a girl could ever want...a B-movie horror soundtrack, glaringly obvious foreshadowing, horrible acting, special effects that I probably could have put together on my laptop! And then, *gasp*!!! Last night was only PART ONE OF TWO!!!! Oh, the excitement!

But it just kept getting better. After focusing my full attention to this marvel of ridiculousness (I was distracted because I needed to do a water change for the lately-neglected Grumblefish...he was giving me a rather forlorn look that demanded attention, although I couldn't quite tell whether it was because he needed new water, or because he - like me - was getting sick of the bass that comes with living above a bar), I discovered the best part of all. This movie (as with many that are set in Chicago) was filmed in the 'Peg!!! It clicked in when I saw several soon-to-be-doomed characters sitting on a bench in a mall where I spent much of my youth. All told, by the end of the night, the movie was filmed at no less than three of my former workplaces - Polo Park Shopping Centre, the Manitoba Legislature and the Forks Market. All three were easy to identify, despite the the "nuclear power plant" that was in the midst of boiling the Assiniboine River which lurked behind the Forks in almost every shot. Despite all of the uproar from 'Peggers lately about their failing movie industry, it seems to me that there has been a steady string of films lately in which I can identify my old haunts (most recently, Shall We Dance - although, let me be clear...I won't be paying money for that one).

However, in between playing the 'name that place' game, and basking in the glory of horrible special effects, I began to get a little annoyed with the movie. Why, you ask? What could possibly be wrong with all of this goodness? As the vast majority (do I even have regular readers whom I don't know?...probably not) of you know that I work for a major utility company. Although I haven't been here that long, I have been known to get pretty defensive when there are criticisms directed towards my company. So when the giant "Lexer Energy Corporation" started cutting corners and screwing people over in exchange for higher profit, I was a little miffed. Then came the heartless executives (including the "Senior Vice President of Public Affairs...hey, *we* have one of those!), the fancy boardrooms, and the laughing at all of those unfortunate power customers...well, I'd had enough. Not enough to make me stop watching, mind you...but...uh...enough nonetheless.

It struck me that if I didn't know what I know about the energy industry in Alberta, I'd be pretty swayed that those mean ol' corporate execs were just like the ones in those boardrooms in downtown Edmonton. Not because I'm stupid or can't form my own opinions...but the amount of energy conglomerate bashing in this flick was far greater than the your average bit of bad PR. The bottom line? I hope that - as it deserves - this movie garners terrible ratings...the last thing I need right now is people in the midst of this supposed Alberta election deciding that the energy companies are out to get them...

Oh, and I admit it...I can't wait for Part Two to air!!!

Redneck Humour

2004-11-14T19:17:00.000-07:00

Social Tips for Rednecks
(a.k.a. Welcome to Alberta!)

From yet again another email forward...

In General...

Never take a beer to an interview.
Always identify people in your yard before shooting them.
It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.
Even if you're certain that you're included in the will, it's rude to drive a U-haul to the funeral.

Dining Out

When decanting the wine from the box, make sure you tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to 'bruise' the fruit of the wine.
If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your hands.

Entertaining in your home

A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners are.

Personal Hygiene

While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this job should be done in private using one's own truck keys.
Even if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of money.
Use of proper toiletries can only delay bathing for a few days.
Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to distract from a woman's jewelry, and alter the taste of finger foods.

Dating (outside the family)

Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
Be assertive, Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you ever since I read that stuff on the bathroom walls two years ago."
Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM. Others might say "Monday," If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.

Weddings

Livestock usually is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds might get you shot.
For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

Driving Etiquette

Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.
When approaching a four way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires does not always have the right of way.
Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.
Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral possession.

I hate...

2004-11-10T15:30:00.000-07:00

I hate...

caffeine
my growing dependency on caffeine
that pretentious fuck on the Food Network who says "spa-gee-tti" and "fett-two-cine"...seriously, we get that you're Italian. Now shut up.
that I haven't felt well-rested in weeks
mushrooms
that I can't sleep in anymore
partisan politics...especially in Alberta
that I can't pick up and leave at the drop of a hat
that I feel old
voicemail, but only at work
mornings
that I'm currently sitting at my desk, and not on a plane about to land in some exotic locale
Excel
people who cannot have discussions, only arguments to prove their point
knowing that I'll never have it all figured out
that I wasn't built properly
finally finding something out, only to discover that there are now five new things that I don't know but need to
that I've only run once in an election, and it was uncontested
feeling overwhelmed
failure

What do you hate, blog-reader-folks?

A picture is worth a thousand words...

2004-11-04T18:14:00.000-07:00

A picture is worth a thousand words...

Or maybe it should be a picture is worth 59,000,000 votes? A few of my favourite election graphics...

Well, at least we'll be able to have fun pointing and laughing for a while longer...

2004-11-03T08:37:00.000-07:00

Well, at least we'll be able to have fun pointing
and laughing for a while longer...

Read Paul Wells today. Read it, I said!

My favourite excerpt:

The majestic Howard Dean coalition - youth, new voters, the "wired," the "disenfranchised" - remains the France of electoral coalition-building: genuinely useful, if only it would freaking show up for the freaking fight. Sorry, but I'm a bit bitter about this. Participation soared across every demographic, including the underestimated People Michael Moore Likes to Make Fun of. But the young-new-"disenfranchised" set sat around and played Halo 2 on the X-box instead of, you know, freaking voting. These are the same people who couldn't be arsed to pick up the phones at Dean headquarters in South Carolina when I was there in January. (Fun Canadian fact: the Canadian leader who has put all of his hopes - and I mean all his hopes - on the Howard Dean coalition of non-voting non-voters is Jack Layton. Explains a lot, really.)

Sigh.

2004-10-31T23:59:00.000-07:00

Sigh.

[On a side note, thank you all for playing along with me... Now, moving on...]

My email conversation from last week. Silly Americans...

--------------------

Email #1:
From: me
To: JBJ Lighting

Hi there,

I was wondering if you supply any nano-cubes in Western Canada. All of the dealers listed on your website are in Ontario only...which is on the other end of the country (with high shipping charges!)

Thank you in advance,
Sara

--------------------

Email #2:
From: JBJ Lighting
To: me

Hello Sara,
Unfortunately,
we only have a distributor in Canada.

--------------------

Email #3:
From: me
To: JBJ Lighting

Hi,

Sorry for the misunderstanding. I am located in Canada as well, but was inquiring as to whether you have any dealers outside of Ontario (which is a province within Canada). Ontario is located on the east coast above New York and Michigan, while I am in the province of Alberta, which is located above Montana.

Thanks again!
Sara

--------------------

Email #4:
From: JBJ Lighting
To: me

Hi Sara,
Unfortunately, we do not have any distributors in Canada, only in Ontario.
You may want to consider ordering from the US.

Fuck it.

2004-10-27T15:01:00.000-06:00

Fuck it.

I mean, really...who am I trying to kid here, anyways?

A massive inferiority complex...

2004-10-26T10:18:00.000-06:00

A massive inferiority complex

I remember that one of the first things that struck me as odd when I moved to Edmonton was the hatred that Edmontonians seemed to harbour for Calgary, and vice-versa. Having come from the only prairie province without 'twin cities' (Vancouver & Victoria, Calgary & Edmonton, Regina & Saskatoon, Winnipeg & ???), the concept of a rivalry was a new one. I mean, either than Ontario (like every other Canadian), we Winnipeggers really didn't hate anyone...we were "Friendly Manitoba", after all.

So this fascination with Calgary was pretty evident once I'd settled down here...it was like this massive inferiority complex intertwined with a longing to play with the big boys. I wonder if this is why, in my three years in Edmonton, I have only managed to plan a trip down to Calgary once...road-tripping with a friend from Lethbridge and, well, two guys from outside Calgary whom I'd met 10 minutes before we jumped in the car. Now, although I may get stoned and beaten for this...I really enjoyed Calgary. I basked in the shiny newness of it all, and planned on going back for another weekend as soon as I could. That was two years ago.

[Disclaimer: I have made another pass through Calgary during my time as an "Albertan" (ha!), but it was with Mat and Anand...so it really didn't count. We drove straight through to the U of C Council Chambers, stopped at a grocery store on the way out...and that was it. So I'm not counting that one...]

So I discover this morning that plans are in the works for a Calgary outing next week. I'll only be there for the day, and won't really have time to *do* anything either than attend a function...but I'm enthralled by the fact that this isn't any ordinary luncheon - it's a Calgary Luncheon. Ooh! Ahh!

Yes, I'm crazy. I know... Perhaps I'm still getting used to the fact that, unlike the 'Peg, Edmonton isn't so alone in the province? Or maybe I'm just drawn to new places, as always...

...

On a side note, is there anyone out there with carpentry skills? I mean, I can put together IKEA furniture with the best of them...but for some reason on this particular project, I am proving most incompetent. I've been blaming the manufacturer for the fact that nothing seems to be fitting together like it does in the picture...but that can only take me so far...